One Year

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It was a year ago last week that I went home to see my Mom after he cancer recurred. I wanted to make something with her, so I had her teach me a TOP SECRET family recipe. If you are a member of a Dayton family, any Dayton family. You not only love the Chocolate Roll, you revere it, you speak of it in hushed tones. When your father eats it, he talks about how they only had it once a year, and the slice was so thin, you would spend the rest of the year thinking about it.

Here is one thing you probably didn't know about the Dayton Chocolate Roll, Grandma Lois Dayton invented it. I interviewed her once about it, and didn't get a chance to film it. She had a Better Homes and Gardens recipe, and if I recall she didn't have the cream cheese, so she took the recipe and made it her own.

Here is the thing about the Chocolate Roll, it has a number of secrets. The Cake needs to be cold and the chocolate sauce needs to be hot. The cream is unsweetened and the sauce is super-rich. It's essentially The Law of Opposition in a desert.

So one year later, I finished this video. The audio is rough and the image isn't great. I just shot in on my DSL with no microphone. But this is precious to me. In the year since we made this, not only did my Mother pass away (as many of you know), but my Grandmother, the inventor of this recipe, did as well. So I post this in honor of some of the great women in my life.

movie idea: THE HANDS

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I hope you are not tired of Mormon movies, because I got a thriller for you.

There is this incredible Relief Society group, and they seem like average women, with your normal foibles and weaknesses (like gossipiness, judgementalness and soft arms) but they are really great at preparing meals for ward activities. Then one of them, let's say Marjeen, discovers that she has super strength in her hands, and this other one can shoot fire from her hands (that's Linda), and another one can knit super-fast , let's call her Busy (short for Elizabeth, but she is also a busybody). 

So it turns out that they got the super powers because at all of the ward dinners, they always blessed "the hands that prepared this meal." (Nancy did get any powers because she showed up, but she would just stand around and "supervise" because she was a counselor in the relief society presidency, and her hands didn't do anything)

Later, there is a bus accident that kills them all, but their hands come out of the graves to do deeds because they are so blessed.

The movie is a tragicomedy, but you also learn a lesson because Nancy dies anyways and her hands can't do deeds or anything. Service is about more than just supervising <-------That's the moral of the tale.

I think my Mom would be embarrassed that I wrote this story, but it is based on true events.

INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY

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Does anybody want to invest in my new restaurant: Murray Calendars?

We sell delicious pies and every order comes with a free calendar with pictures of historic Murray on it. "Come for the pie, stay for the calendar (year)".

We are only in Murray (I mean would you ever consider eating at Midvale Calendars?)

Observations from the future

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I wonder if my friends over at the time travel blog noticed this:

Remember when Bill and Ted (from the past of 1989) traveled to the future and met these wise judges who decide everything?

But then remember how now we are their future and there is this show called ANTM with wise judges who decides everything*:

But then also remember far in the past there was a wise woman who could answer your question, but she was also a puppet?

but then there was also an angel that answered your questions.

I guess what I am saying that it's not that truth is stranger than fiction, it's that they are the SAME THING!!!!

*Well at least one of them is on ANTM, the other is the devil wearing Prada.

Appendix Jokes: a Limmerick?

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As many of you know, I am a HUGE fan of Ogden Nash. Also, I am a fan of appendix jokes.  So you can imagine how surprised (and pleased) I was to find this, 


THE GREATEST LIMERICK ABOUT APPENDIX REMOVAL OF ALL TIME(S)
but which he sadly titled:

UNTITLED POEM


Asked a patient before appendectomy
"What kind of fee d'you expectomy?"
Said the doc, "If your pulse
Indicates the results,
Anything but a post-dated checktomy."




Many of you (my fans) come here for appendix jokes. This is a far better thing, for an Ogden Nash poem is a thing of gold. So in his honor I have written a poem.


Ogden was a poet  for the man on the streets.
If he was on twitter I'd follow his tweets.
He could take words and twist them and bend them.
If he was on Facebook, I'm sure I would friend him. 




thank you.

Holy Ground

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My Grandmother passed away last night. She had just turned 101, and was still surprisingly sharp. Her hearing had mostly gone, she couldn't stand on her own, but she could still smile weakly and offer words of wisdom. Most of our conversations lately revolved around how she wanted me to be happy.

I remember a time when I went to LDS General Conference with her. Elder Richard G. Scott, on of the 12 apostles and most senior leaders in my church saw us sitting together and came up to us. He spoke briefly to my grandmother and then turned to me. He said, "I want you to know that I have stayed and your grandmother's house, and because of that I can say that I have slept on Holy Ground." I can think of no finer compliment to pay her, no more apt description of her character, and no grander accomplishment than that. Here a servant of the Lord, a man that I honor as a special witness for Christ, who has traveled the world and sat in sacred ceremony as deep matters of doctrine and church policy was discussed and yet he noticed that the humble home of this fine woman was Holy Ground. Being around her, I just felt loved.

If you knew my Grandmother, Lois Dayton, you probably felt this too. You have felt welcome in her home, you have felt her reverence for love and beauty and for her faith and Savior. My Grandmother was not a very complex woman, but how deep was her simplicity.

So deep that the ground soaked up the simple goodness around her. She wasn't the greatest piano player, but there was always music in her home. She wasn't necessarily the most elegant entertainer, but always a warm hostess. You could probably count the number of times her front door was actually locked. Whether I showed up for a planned visit, or simply stopped by passing through I was met without pomp but with an open door and an offer of whatever was in the fridge. My grandmother came from a place where "storebought" was almost a cuss word and usually followed an apology. "Can I make you a sandwich, I'm sorry all I have is storebought bread". She always offered what she had and never made a big deal of the meagerness of the offering nor the overabundance. Her offers were always simply just that, an offer. There was no pretext, nor expectation.

It's possible for a person to have a bad word to say about Grandma, but you'd have to try pretty hard, and it would probably tell me more about that person than it would about Grandma. She left literally hundreds of progeny behind her, each one recognize their best and most kind traits have roots that stretch back to that holy ground in Cokeville in a little rambler whose door was always open.

Creativity, in brief(s)

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I know, I wrote about my creative process before, but I think it was a bit long. This time, I am writing it in my briefs, so that my "creative process, in brief" can really ring true.

Here it is again:

1) INCEPTION-Define the problem

-Brainstorm the problem

-Simplify the problem

-find your special purpose

-write down initial impressions

-allow inspiration to strike

2)INGESTION-Swallow the problem whole

-study it out

-Stare intensely at the problem

-read a bunch of stuff.

-look at a bunch of stuff

-talk to interesting people

-ABI "Always Be Ingesting"

-allow inspiration to strike

-Brainstorm, reject nothing

3)INCUBATION -Let it simmer

-meander

-wander

-doodle

-put it off

-Hey, what's that over there?

-take a nap

-wake up

-allow inspiration to strike

-write it down

-THIS IS WHERE INSPIRATION MOST OFTEN STRIKES ME

4)CULTIVATION -Reject bad ideas, make good ideas better

-get finicky

-be merciless

-be critical

-workshop it

-check materials

-solve problems

-check your spelling

-identify potential excuses, realize that you can't apologize for it later and solve the problem NOW.

5)PRESENTATION-Narrow the gap between what you intend to do and what you actually will do

-trust the process

-don't allow for excuses

-assume success but be willing to modify

-do it right the first time.

-allow it to be the jumping off point for the next thing.

I think if you see these key stages to the creative process when you work with people you can identify where you are in the process, and what kind of feedback and input is important. The harsh criticism of the CULTIVATION stage is essential, but unwelcome during the INGESTION phase. The point isn't the rigidity. It's that it gives you a common language to deal with creative issues. To work in a corporate structure and still have the assets you need to do your best creative work.

Additionally you can be working on a project, get all the way to the end and say, "We need to rework this, but we only need to take it back to CULTIVATION not INCEPTION", though sometimes the only way for a Phoenix to be reborn is to burn it down to the ashes.

I realized that my post on the creative process was hastily thrown together and a lot to bite off. It needs some "cultivation" if you will (even if you won't). If anyone has a creative problem that they would like to apply this process to, I'd love to hear how it turns out.

"Ad Madness" or "Why I learned that everything that is wrong with MARKETING by watching cheerleaders during March Madness.

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I work AROUND advertising, but not IN it. It's something I think about a lot and here are some thoughts I've had recently.

If you've never been to a March Madness game, it's a different sort of beast. In the early rounds there are a few fans from each team, then a lot of interested locals there to watch some "sports history". Also, there are a lot more timeouts (for commercial breaks and score updates).

During the long breaks, each teams cheerleaders take the floor for about 3 minutes. They hoot and jump up and down and do lifts and backflips, and no one listens. No one, except the other cheerleaders. After watching a few sessions it was more and more clear that the only one watching the cheerleaders were the other cheerleaders, and that is mostly who they were trying to impress, what with the backflips, back-handsprings and human towers. (you know "cheersport")

Now, I am no historian, but I can imagine how the first cheerleaders got their start. The fans were watching sports and there was a lot of yelling going on, some in support of the team, some against the other team, and a few things about the ref's mother. Someone at the school had a bright idea. What if we could get everyone to yell in unison for our school (0ur brand)? Let's give them giant card-board cones and call them "megaphones! That probably worked for a while, and when people started ignoring the cheerleaders again and watching the game, they added cute girls, then made them do flips.

Fast forward back to the game. As soon as the time out was over, the cheerleaders would sit down, pompoms in laps, and that guy would start yelling. You know that guy. The one with his face painted and the viking hat. He was the guy who understood the game well enough to get everyone on there feet to make some noise on defense. He harassed the ref appropriately and said hilarious an inappropriate things that the school couldn't put on banners. And I realized that this arena was the perfect microcosm of what is happening in Marketing/advertising/social media.

Your product is the team on the court.

The Cheerleaders is your advertising

that Guy is your key consumer (the superfan or maven)

the arena is full of disinterested consumers.

Advertisers are doing backflips and building human towers, Sure they are shouting your message at the crowd, but the crowd just wants the product. You can yell at them all you want, but if the product isn't good they will walk out and get nachos. You can give the superfan a bigger megaphone, and make him part of the cheer squad, but then you have just neutered your strongest voice.

So what's a company to do?

I think the answer is both simple and complex. Complex because I don't think it is obvious. Simple because it relies on a brand doing what it is already doing but doing it better, and getting out of the way of the consumer.

So here is my solution in a nutshell. Focus on your game, whatever it is, make it the best, most unique one in town. Hear to your fans, you don't let them coach you don't obey them, but you listen to them and find out what they love about your brand. That guy, put him behind the hoop on the other end of the court; let him be. Take care of the alumni but give, the new fans, give them the best experience, let them learn from that guy what the game is all about. Give them a great experience and a voice to share it with. (at Professional Wrestling matches they will often have free poster board and markers, we can learn something from Hulk Hogan).

Okay, you can keep the cheerleaders, but mostly get them out of the way of the game. Choose cheerleaders that are fans or at the very least make sure that they understand the game well enough to shout "D-FENCE" when the other team has the ball.

What does all that mean? well I am not going to tell you everything.

at least not yet.

Inspiration in 5 easy (grueling) steps

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So I have noticed that this "Creativity" thing can be a wily beast. One writer described writing as "the process where you stare at a blank screen until your eyes bleed". Creating something form nothing can be hard and tedious, but it should be fun, and I think it is incredibly fulfilling. Coming up with a system has helped me tame the wild beast (at least a little). This process can be done in a few hours or over a few months. You may use it for a BIG challenge then use it in a small way for all the little challenges in between. You can even do it in the course of one meeting, as long as you break up the steps and know when it is time to move from one to the next.

To be productive creativity needs DIRECTION, but to be successful it needs INSPIRATION. notice that INSPIRATION is not a step, it will come at any time and anyplace, usually between steps 2 and 4. It is necessary but It really needs both sides of your brain, it needs different types of thinkers. I'd like to tell you that I have developed a system that works, but I have kind of worked backwards from successful creative endeavors to find that they all have some level of each of these steps. I think that inspiration can strike at anyone one of these steps, so keep a notebook with you, there is nothing more precious than a genius idea lost in time (well except gold, or babies, or golden babies). I find that I use this process when I write, when I direct, when I edit, when I do math (seriously) when I build campaigns and help companies rebrand, and even when I teach Sunday School (yup)

My steps for creativity:

INCEPTION

INGESTION

INCUBATION

CULTIVATION

PRESENTATION

1) INCEPTION: See how I used a popular movie title to get you interested. Really I just wanted a fancy word for "GET STARTED" but this is also really important to clearly decide on what your end goal is. If your goal is "write a commercial" you might get a really funny commercial out of it, but if you later realize that your goal is to "get consumers to go into a store a buy a product" you may have missed the boat. Write this goal down somewhere, let it simmer, and maybe even try to purify it a little bit. There is a difference between "inform someone about what a product can do" and "inspire someone to understand why they need a product". I think all types of creativity rely on truth to gain power, and if you are true in your goal, and truthful in your storytelling and art making it will have more power. I think that telling someone to buy something that they don't need is sleazy, helping someone buy something that could make their life better can be rewarding. If you jump to brainstorming without defining your goal you can head down some paths that you will fall in love with, but that won't get you anywhere. (write those ideas down anyway). Always write down first impressions I have this process, but sometimes my first impression is still make it through to the end is some form, the process makes them better and builds on them.

2)INGESTION "Matter can neither be created nor destroyed". Fortunately for me, both my scientific leanings and religious beliefs teach this same thing. To create something you need stuff. Creative stuff, memories, influences, beauty art, ideas. Think of a monster eating everything in it's path. During the INGESTION phase, I study the problem and try to read related things, unrelated things, look up stuff on the internet, wander around, doodle a lot, listen to music. You can only do this so long, but this is where you need to get the basic building blocks of your creativity. If I am teaching Sunday School, this is where I try to read everything I can about the subject, scripture, talks, even Wikipedia (wikipedia is GREAT for ingestion, but also a bit of a rabbit hole), this is a good time for some PRE brainstorming. People talk about brainstorming, and I think by itself, it's mostly useless. But as part of something else it is VERY helpful. During ingestion come up with ideas, build on other ones, give your first impressions.but don't throw something out. You can move on, but this has got to be a positive experience. Swallow as much as you can, because you don't know what is going to end up fitting together later. This is a good time for writing stuff down on napkins and post its because it's not precious but it is valuable.

Another thing. during this process, whether it is a group brainstorm or your private hunt. Don't worry about ideas that don't work or that you hate. Focus on things you love. If you throw out everything that you hate, you will come up with something that everybody doesn't hate, but that doesn't mean it will be something that anybody loves. Eliminate this phrase "Well the problem with that is..." This is not the time to ask questionsWe are creative, we solve problems. If it's worth loving then we can solve the problem later (we will get to that during "Cultivation"). It is worth mentioning that you can push ideas, but when pushing an idea, don't think you are making the idea "better" you are offering another option, keep the original too.

You know that moment after you are done laughing and you sigh, and you know that the last part of the joke has left your system? (but you wish you were still laughing). It's important to note that you can't revisit that laugh, that it is time to move on. Brainstorming and Ingestion is work, but it can be fun once you get going, but learn to recognize when it's time to move on.

3) Incubation Incubation is the lazy part of Creativity. I usually say "Let's let this simmer for a bit" but it is SO important. This is usually where inspiration strikes, where you come of with at few "workable ideas" and maybe a few actually "good" ideas. I think it was T. H. White who suggested that writing is like hunting, and you spend days waiting for the right words to come along. Creativity needs some space to wander, don't expect a solution to come out of a brainstorm, expect some GOOD ideas to come out of a brainstorm, but the solutions will expand on those ideas.

Some of my best ideas come from that moment between waking and sleeping, many come in the shower. Even if I am giving a 5 minute speech I make sure to take a nap between studying it and writing it. This is where sleep is important for me. I have a good nap couch in my office. I don't care if my co workers think I am being lazy, I know what my creativity needs, and it doesn't need to make them think I am working. I heard that Napoleon took short naps before battle. I spoke with a former executive who is working late into his retirement who told me he takes a 30 minute nap every day. His secretary calls him at one. I delicately asked him if it was because he was older now, and he said, I wished I would have discovered it earlier in his career. I spend my afternoons fighting distraction and ineffectiveness. Naps give you TWO sleeping/waking periods each day. (and those are the MOST important periods of each day)

I also believe in the power of procrastination. Nothing like the stress of a deadline to bring your mind into a lazerlike focus. and that means you need to give yourself a timeline to incubate to let the nascent ideas simmer. INCEPT and INGEST early so you will have time to wander for in those walks will inspiration most often strike. If you put off the incpetion or ingestion phase too long you won't have the time to wander, and worse you will come up with a great idea and not have time to make it right. which lead me to the next step.

4) CULTIVATION By now you should have something to work with a bunch of ideas that you like or love. Now is where you get pragmatic. This is where you invite that naysayer from the brainstorm session in who starts saying "the problem with that..." so you can start finding solution. This is where you make your good idea great. This is where you take your shrub of an idea and make it into a topiary elephant. There are steps to this as well, but I will keep it relatively brief.

To cultivate a garden you need to weed it. This is the stage where you can discard ideas that are great, but just don't work. In fact you need to throw out beautiful ideas so the other ideas can grow here. Go back to your INCEPTION your big purpose. Now take your musing and see how well they point back to that. Can they be modified to make them work better? This is where you work the ideas out, you solve problems, ask questions. You have to trim the fat.

What is the fat? It is the stuff that gets in the way of the idea WORKING. It might be the baggage that makes the idea look the SAME as other people stuff. You have to ask, how can we make it different. One of my brothers (who is one of the most creative guys I know) says that he always takes his idea and says "Okay, now how can I take this idea and make it one step away from normal, how can I take it one step away from what you expect". He takes a good idea and makes it into a new idea, makes the idea do more than one thing. This is important.

I think there is also an important part of this that I will call DISTILATION. You don't just cut away stuff, you get to the core of it, it's essence. the thing that makes the idea good and you make sure there is lots of it and it is concentrated. This is where you polish the idea, you make it more than an idea, you make it work. When you are done here, you don't just have an idea or ideas. You have something or somethings to show. This is where practice is applicable. This is where you make minor adjustments, but don't change anything major.

5) Presentation Whether you are speaking to a group, pitching a client, making a commercial, or just writing a story. You must present it to an audience. In art there is always a gap between what you intended to do, and what you did. This is where you work hard to narrow that gap. Focus on your original goal and the distilled idea when you present the something. Believe it in, know that it works, and make it effortless. When you present have confidence because your audience has no idea how much blood sweat and tears when into your end product and they should be. If you want to wow someone with a backflip you pretend like it is no big thing

So how about you? Do you do something similar? Do you have a system? Do you think I am missing anything? Let me know. I am always looking for ways to cultivate my existing system.

Be "Creative"

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"Being Creative" sounds like a lot of fun. When your work requires you to be creative it can tend to dampen the enthusiasm for it a bit. Yet I count myself lucky that I can use creative skills in a number of different ways throughout my work day.

First off, let's talk about what it means to be "creative". It means a lot of different things to different people. For me, there are three essential part to creativity. The first is simple CREATION, the making of stuff, things, videos, music, objects. It can be a paper airplane a Cathedral or a Sonnet. The Second part is making something DIFFERENT (or novel), people are often described as being "creative" because they have a different way of looking at things. Just because something is DIFFERENT doesn't mean it's is GOOD (or useful) which leads to the last point. Being creative for work means that the new thing or idea must also be USEFUL. Now not all creativity has to be useful, personally I believe that any creative act is inherently useful (although maybe not purposeful).

But at the same time, I have found that you can't force creativity. Well at least not by itself you need this sacred beast called "inspiration". Ancients waited for muses to deliver it, the word itself relates to being breathed on by the gods. Well technically breathed IN by the gods (that first breath that gave us life) . But you see how if you let "inspiration" run your life, you can digress and digress down a rabbit hole and really be satisfied with yourself and not get anything done.

If you wait around for inspiration you will get it, eventually, but it probably won't relate to anything useful. You might come up with a brilliant idea for a churro, or a blog about shoes, but that sort of inspiration is a fickle beast, capricious in both it's timing and it's intentions. So while I think my best ideas have come from "inspiration" I have learned that I need to discipline that process a little bit. Sure you need to wander and meander and "be inspired" but I have kind of come up with and informal 5 step process that works as midwife for inspiration (move over Socrates). Most of the stuff you see here is wanderings and musings, but not really purposeful creativity, problem solving, message-carrying, lesson-teaching, story-telling creativity. Whenever I have a creative problem to tackle I find that when I am successful I have used some form of this process to come up with a (brilliant) solution. Rather than tease you further here it is:

1. Inception

2.Ingestion

3.Incubation

4.Cultivation

5.Presentation

Genius and inspiration can strike anywhere, but lightning is more likely to strike a tall metal object. For me this process is about stretching that rod higher and higher.

What process do you use?

Down To Business

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It's been a while since I shared some of my GREAT IDEAS, and Since I don't have time to actually start a new business I thought I would share some of my business ideas with you, you are welcome to use these ideas for yourself and get fabulously wealthy. My only request is that you share some of your humble millions with me.

1. Literary-O's

since I often spend my evening with "Honey Bunches of Dinner" I realized that the literary merit of cereal boxes is somewhat lacking. With Literary-O's you would get a healthful breakfast(dinner) cereal, but on the back there would be short stories by innovative up-and-coming writers. Here is the beauty part, the stories would be "Cerealized" so you would have to buy a box a month to get the whole story. Also, it's available in chocolate and walnut-crunch.

2. Air Dunk 'ems

Since Michael Jordan died there is a huge market for Michael Jordan memorabilia. There are even a couple of b-ball players pretending to be the next Air to the Jordan name. But no one has really taken advantage of how much he loved churros. So I would make a handy pack of 6 churros and a little thing of chocolate that you "dunk" them in. The little thing of chocolate would also have a drawing of a b-ball net on it so you could pretend like YOU are the Air of Jordan. It the thing of chocolate could come in other flavors too, like caramel and walnut-crunch.

3.Circle of Friends

This would basically be like Facebook, but awesomer. So instead of having this huge clump of people you know called "friends", you could sort them by how close they are to you. Imagine a group of concentric circles. On the outside is "dude you just met", then there is "acquaintance", you could work your way all the way down to "comrade", "Friend", "Framily" and then "family". When you added someone you could let them now what circle they are in. You also click on the circle every time you post something so not all of your posts/pictures/statuses are shared to everyone. But here is the beauty part. The "family" is both the inner circle and the outer circle, and they won't know which one they are in. Also, it's available in walnut-crunch.

Moving Forward

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This blog has just sat here for the better part of a month, kind of like I can't say anything after I have just said what I have just said. But life goes on. Maybe one day I will work on a tribute blog, "Lessons from my mother" or something like that, but not this blog.

This blog is for rambling about things, and maybe it's time to start rambling again.

Susan Dayton's Big Book of Instructions

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[The following is an attempt to recreate the Eulogy delivered at my mother's funeral. I spoke from notes so please excuse the discrepencies. I may have added a lesson or two].

As I sat beside my Mom's bed in the hospital, I read her journal. She was having it transcribed and I got to read portions of it (specifically 1979-81). She was so full of life. Just reading about what she got done in one day wore me out, so you will excuse me if I don't try to list her accomplishments. They are just too many. If you'd like to read about the facts of her life you can read her obituary. Mom was an unconventional women, so I will try to give her an unconventional eulogy.

Mom was always full of practical advice, like "take the recipes that you cook most often and stick them on the inside of the cupboard, that way you won't lose them, and you won't get them messy।" After Mom passed, we found she had packed two boxes and a suitcase for us। In them we found pictures and the wedding dress she made, the dress that she would be buried in. On top of it all was a large white binder with the title "Susan's Big book of Instructions." So that is what I will title this Eulogy. Get a pen out, because you will need this later.

LESSON# 1
The News is for listening too, but music, music is for dancing.

She always listened to the news on the radio, from NPR to talk radio. She even listened to Doctor Laura (until she said something bad about the PTA). We woke up on Saturday mornings hearing Mom hard at work on some project with the radio talking in the background. Which is strange for a dancer. Since she began dancing at the age of 3 with her brother James, dancing defined her life, and when the music played, it was time to dance. Some would say, "She is just a cheerleader", "She is just a dancer", "She is just a choreographer". She danced in High School, In the Young Ambassadors, She arranged dance festivals and road shows. She danced with her brothers, and partners. She even danced with the devil, not once, but three times. Most of all she danced with her sweetheart, my Dad. But even when she wasn't dancing she was choreographing steps. arranging groups of people to move together to get something done. Many people here have been dancers in her productions.

LESSON #2
"If they aren't your sons, then they are your daughters"
My mom only had 5 sons, but she had countless daughters. Her journals revealed how perplexed she was by her boys, and what joy she found in working with young girls dancing. She never let us know that though. Whenever someone expressed pity on her for having all boys she would say, "Boys are easy on me, but hard on the furniture." But she found countless daughters, in dancers, in nieces, in neighbors and friends.

Living in LA, in a two bedroom house with four young boys, she developed a few pragmatic rules. Rules that can apply in many areas of Life.

LESSON #3
"Pick one day for laundry, and do do anything else. If something doesn't get done, leave it until next week."
You know that applies to so many areas of life. Focus on what you are doing, and if it doesn't get done, don't let it ruin the rest of your week.

LESSON# 4
"You can never run more than 3 errands at a time."
You can't do everything. Make the most out of the errands you can run today.

LESSON#5
"Work where your heart is."
Now Mom never said this, but she certainly lived it. It's been decades since she collected her last check for teaching dance. But Mom never stopped working where her heart and passion was. She taught dance to young girls when the check barely covered our babysitting. She worked in the PTA, and Granite Education Foundation. She worked with the Worldwide Organization of Women. She worked in the Network of Religious Community. She worked in her callings. When people ask if my Mom works or is a homemaker. I say "She works hard, she is my Mom." And I was the "good son".

Which brings me to the next lesson. When I was barely a teenager, I was sneaking out of the house and getting into mischief with my friend and cousin Joe Jeppson. I didn't tell my mom I was off trying to discover girls, just that I was over at Joe's house. In fact I was just a few doors down, up to no good. So one day Mom asked me to take a drive with her. We were going to run an errand or three. While we were driving she taught me another great lesson.

LESSON#6
Love is free, and I will love you forever. But trust, trust has to be earned.
I had lost some of my trust. She didn't blink away from loving me, but I had to slowly and carefully earn trust back, through honesty and diligence. I hope I did. But what a great legacy. Trust and Love are important to a good relationship, but they are not the same thing, and they can and should work independently.

Another great lesson that defined her life was a lesson that she lived more gracefully than the lesson sounds.

LESSON#7
"You need to be about doing what you need to be about doing"
I got this message a lot when I was trying to figure out what to do with my life. Whenever she told me this, she tried to reformulate the verbiage, but the message was always the same. You don't get anywhere by waffling over destination. You need to get moving in a good direction and the destination will find you. She never set off to become the Utah PTA president, or to run an International Organization of women. She just started being about what she needed to be about, and the destinations needed her. After our lives were spared in a car accident, Mom would often say, "Our lives were spared for a reason, we need to find out what that reason is."
Aren't all of our lives spared on a daily basis, should we figure out why? I don't know if she ever got a specific answer on why her life was spared, but a couple of months ago, as I drove with her, I asked what she was thinking about all of this, and she said she felt peace, that she had done what she needed to do.
Once you are moving it is easier to change course and heed inspiration.

LESSON #8
"Don't wait on inspiration"
If you get inspiration, don't wait for the right time, or the right way to act on it. Don't wait for the right words, just act. Each one of my brothers has received a hastily penned email full of spelling errors written at 4 am. Those emails are now treasures to me. I found one this morning while I was preparing this talk. Mom was helping, or at least trying to help me with some dating advice, but the wisdom has such wider applications.
She gave me

LESSON #9
"There is no perfect ONE, there is only a perfect WAY"
and I believe that perfect way is love. Mom taught us to love. To love our neighbors, both figuratively and literally. To love our family. To love when it was difficult, especially when it was difficult. To love when it is imperfect and awkward. That is the perfect way.
And there is no one that she loved more than her sweetheart, her dancing partner, my dad, Merril.
When her sweetheart gave her a ring, there was nothing that she loved more. Which leads me to one of her last lessons. Shortly after She married my Dad, her wedding ring was stolen out of her car. She spent a month in mourning. She told us how she wept and wept over that ring. Then one day, she woke up and thought, "What am I doing." The phrase we heard over and over again was this:

LESSON # 10
"Oh well...It is just a thing."
She didn't lose her husband she just lost a piece of metal. So later in Elementary school when I broke a picture of her dancing she said "Oh well...it is just a thing" and when I burned up the engine to the family van in High School she said, "Oh well...it is just a thing". And if there is any abiding lesson that she taught us, it is the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and the reality of the atonement and the resurection. And as I look down at this coffin and the body inside, I think "Oh well... it is just a thing." I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that my mother will live again and see him in the flesh, and I know that we can be together again. I know the lessons my mother taught me were true. I love her and know that she loves me. and I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Disembarking

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This is what has happened so far, and these are just facts:

Going on a cruise may not have been the best idea. You need to understand Mom though. Christmas is Big. It's HUGE. she usually spent a solid month of preparation, stringing garland, making centerpieces, arranging travel. All of this focus so that the family had a "magical" Christmas. It couldn't just be good, it had to be magical.

So she told us she wanted to go on a cruise. With no energy, i've come to believe it is because she thought the cruise would provide the magic. We all acquiesced, not that a cruise was what we wanted, We just wanted to be selfishly get Mom all to ourselves locked on a boat.

When I saw her at Thanksgiving it was difficult. She looked like a wounded bird, shivering in the cold. This woman once so full of life, was now so weak. But she was still Mom. We made plans, we looked at houses. We ate thanksgiving dinner. I made like seven dishes and she tried each of them (I later found out she couldn't keep any of it down) but she told me all tasted so good. Even though she had lost most of the taste in her mouth.

So I knew that the chemo and the cancer was aging her. I wasn't prepared to see her. She had aged two decades in under a month. Her last chemo had letter her with sores over her hands and feet and her poor mouth was full of sores. while her arms and legs were wasting away, her body had begun to fill with fluid, and this petite woman who once went on a diet of hamburgers and shakes to put on a few, now had a large distended belly. and her feet were too swollen to walk. But she was still Mom, under that sore little body, it was Mom. We had breakfast together and the whole family sat around the buffet and made dumb jokes (a Dayton specialty), and Mom would roll her eyes (a Susan Dayton specialty).

We got on the boat, and things were going well. We had a few good meals, we sat around and talked. We watched some movies, and made plans. We are always making plans. She had a nice view from her balcony, the Queen of the Sea could finally survey her domain. We thought we had two weeks together. Things looked good. We could sit and hold hands and say the last things that we needed to say.

Things changed on the second night. It was a hard night that only my Dad knows all the details to. But we thought it was just a bad night. Her stomach and intestines were revolting. Nothing was staying inside. So the next morning, we sent Brandon and Annie's families off at the port. Mom was just going to rest up. Just to be on the safe side, Dad decided that we could rehydrate Mom and get her started on an IV and get some fluids into her. The medical center on the ship was fairly well equipped. NOt only did they come to her room but they offered to run a few simple blood tests. The IV was slow going, but before we got more than a few hundred cc's into her we got the blood tests back. Her white count was precipitously low. Normally your white blood cell count tells you how sturdy your immune system is. A week ago hers was 8,000. Today it was under 500. Her new Chemo regimen had a dangerous side-effect. The ship told us we had to get off. Unfortunately, the ship was leaving in an hour. WE had to be off by 6:30. Half the family was on shore and we had no way to contact them. Cameron, Dad and I repacked 15 days worth of living and scrambled down to the tenders. The little shuttles that take you to port. With the help of a lot of crew we got her baggage down the gang plank and lifted her little chair down to the boat.

There is a decent hospital in Cabo San Lucas. Ameri Med caters to Americans but the small facility was clean and fairly modern. However Mom wasn't getting any better. She was vomiting anything still left her system, and the diarrhea wasn't helping. We hoped that getting her fluids and medicine could stabilize her and that we could get her back to Buffalo. Specifically closer to her oncologist, and a vital medicine that could help her white count rebound. It was now Christmas Eve and we were in a foreign country miles from those resources.

Dad hadn't slept in two nights. After midnight I insisted he get some sleep. We would have some important decisions to make in the next few days, more critical ones in the next morning. I stayed with Mom. Cameron smuggled a blanket and pillow from the Motel and I settled in. I have had a lot of sleepless Christmas Eve's in my life. tossing and turning, craning my ear to hear Santa. Ironically I spent the same Christmas Eve craining to hear the same figure. Listening for groans and whimpers. The sores in Mom's mouth kept her from swallowing, it had been two days since she had kept any nutrition down, in fact she couldn't even swallow water. So I stayed up with a wad of gauze dipping it in water and letting her suck on it for relief.

When we got on the ship we were talking about our 3 month plan. Dad was going to take medical leave, and move to Salt Lake. By the time morning come, we were talking about a one month plan. LIttle did we know that soon we would be speaking about days and hours instead of months and weeks. The writer Wallace Stegner described the west as a place where the optimism was greater than our water supply. Our problem was that our optimism was greater than our time supply.

Mom was still talking at this point. In the morning she said she just wanted to go home. She wanted to go to Buffalo. We thought we could get her to rebound, to improve. We thought we could rehydrate her and find medicine that would help her white blood count. Buy what our hearts told us is that she was miserable here, she wasn't improving, and she might never improve. WE looked at flights and what we saw was disheartening. 15 hours, two or three layover, and on Christmas day. Mom hadn't done well just sitting and I didn't think she had it in her. Dad took control in the hospital and checked her out against Medical advice. about 5 hours later we were on a plane to Salt Lake.

Uncle Lynn arranged for a Docotr to meet us at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. It turns out that the Chief of Oncology there was a good friend that went through medical school with Dad. We talk a lot about what goes into Medical research. I have been profoundly grateful for the money that has been donated for end of life care. However we didn't look at it that way. We were just looking for a place to rebound and recover.The Huntsman Cancer Hospital is one of the finest Hospitals I have ever been too, and we've had incredible care.

Non of Mom's major organs have failed, her liver is 60% cancer, but her lungs are working and kidneys are working, But fluid is filling her body. Death is a curious thing. I wish there was one thing we could point to and say "fix that" or a clock that gave us predictable time. But we are watching a shrinking clock where Months rapidly shrink to Days, and days become hours. But all day we wait.

Once the brothers were here we hoped for change. Instead on our first meeting we sat and talked about DNR orders, on the time that was rapidly disappearing. And mostly we wept. We originally wanted to take a day or to recover to allow visitors. Instead we realized now was time. If people wanted to say goodbye this was their chance.

So I wrote this in inches, in-between the flood of family, and visitors. And I came home to rest, and tonight we wait. Mom is barely here now. and we wait. We wait for little things, dripping away life. Statistics dipping and swelling.

They say that Cancer is the loving disease, because we get to say goodbye. But it is hard to say goodbye every day. Maybe I can get one more day, and say one more goodbye.

Forget Top Ten list

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I mean there is nothing wrong with a Top Ten list. It's all very Nick Hornby and delightful, but how can you compare two different things. It's not like apples and oranges, they are both fruit. It is very easy to compare them. It's like choosing the "best painting ever". It's impossible.

I know this will sound snobby and whatnot, but there isn't really a ranking or stars. In my critical days I would rate films, but when you think about it, there is only enjoyable and not enjoyable. There is good and not good.

I would like to make a list for this year, but how can you compare "Exit through the Gift Shop", "Never let me go" and "How to train a dragon". If you get caught up in a discussion of bests you miss out on a great opportunity to think, feel, or get lost.

I like movies. It is what I do when I want a treat.

Here, watch this little film clip. Bask in the fun, the beauty, the ridiculousness, that movies can be.


2010 wasn't a bad year. Here are some movies that were good, and worth your time (specifically in NO particular order):

Exit through the gift shop
Scott Pilgrim vs. the world
Inception
The Town
Never let me go
How to Train a Dragon
Toy Story III

wait, I am not going to do this anymore. I am going to miss some good ones. Why don't you tell ME some good movies. I got a lot of evening free and could use some suggestions.

Using my Talents for good, not ill (but also for the ill)

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I have had a few more clicks from BING. I have oft criticized Microsoft, I have to give them this, their search engine knows how to find appendix jokes. I am now... wait for it

#1 in appendix jokes

I should be an SEO consultant. Anybody want some snake oil?

So here is the funny* thing. My Dad is a doctor and he is actually a very good doctor, and not only that, he is the type of doctor that is really good at stuff, like taking out appendixes.

like he wrote the book on it. Okay, he just edited the book on it, but still, c'mon.

So you would think that having the #1 RANK ON BING and a Surgeon for a father I would actually have a few good jokes about appendixes OR I would be able to send business his way.

but nope, it don't work that way.

I wish it did because I totally want to lure him back to Utah. So do you know anyone who needs a Chairman of Surgery? or that doesn't need their appendix? NOTE: he is also good at removing gallbladders, large colons**, and son's delusions of grandeur.

I should be able to use my considerable internet prowess to get my folks home. But alas, even though my Dad reads facebook daily, he refuses to actually create a profile (we created this one to pressure him to join, you should join it). So he is impervious the the lure of the internetz.

Well if we can't get him here to cut up people, I will have to settle with having him come for thanksgiving.

So Dad, if you are reading this, you can carve the Turkey you hamburger.

*funny weird, not funny "ha ha"

**colons the organ, not colons the punctuation, but I guess as an editor he is good at both.

Weird.

Weirdand FUNNY.

Poetry

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Other than the collected works of Ogden Nash, this is one of my favorite poems of all time(s).

There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going.
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the river's flowing.
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a blowing?

Not a speck of light is showing
so the danger must be growing.
Are the fires of hell a glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes! The danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing. And they're certainly not showing
any signs that they are slowing!

this is available on blu-ray

Fitting in with the Hipsters

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I'm not a hipster, at least I don't think I am (sometimes I wear Dockers), but I have learned to get along fine with this delightful folk.

Here is a couple of tips:

• Don't use superlative, unless in irony. You can say that T.J. Hooker is "totally awesome", or that M.A.S.H. is the greatest show of all time, but if you really like something you heavily qualify it. Like this "Sujfan Stevens is kind of amazing" (When in fact he is TOTALLY amazing, even though I think he believes a lot more is Space nowadays)
• do a blog
• It's okay to make fun of Hipsters, because none of them think they are them. I usually consider Hipsters to be people that dress like my friends, but I don't think of my friends as hipsters.
• make a piece of your own clothes. Even if it isn't cool, it gives you some credibility.
• Know the difference between a Hipster and an Indie Hipster. Both are too cool for you, but the Indie Hipster will make his/her distain more naked. I actually think most Hipsters that I personally know are delightful folk, but they ARE cooler than me.
• If you want them to like your pictures of stuff, get lots of lens flares in it. I like lens flares anyways.
• Don't assume to know about a band that you think they don't know about. Instead of introducing a hipster to a new band, ask for their opinion. instead of "Hey have you heard of a band called the Animal Collective?" ask "Hey, what do you know about this Animal Collective band." They will respect that you know your place in this world.
• Don't wear business casual to a concert.
• Get apple products, but also hate apple, at least a little bit. Here is a good line "Yeah I got the iPhone a while ago, before Steve Jobs got evil."
• Once other people start liking it, you are gonna have to start liking it on your own.

I wish I fit into a movement or a style. I am not really a Hipster.At least I don't think I am, but that is the thing about hipsters, if you say you are one, you probably aren't. So maybe I am way a Hipster. But I think by making this snobby blog I am a little more hipster. (and there goes my credibility, 'tis a fragile thing. Here is another thing about their kind: they are good at making fun at stuff, and look what I am trying to do.

So anyways

Mangia, Miss the line, not the moment

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I don't talk about work much around here or my Utah Video Production Company. I am not very comfortable promoting myself. But since I do like to talk about myself, I should mention my work once in a while. This is a little spot I wrote and directed.

Mangia offers a great service. You can go to a game and use your phone or mobile device and order any of the food they have on offer and it is delivered right to your seat. This is especially great if you have kids or know that everyone gets hungry at the same time (when the action is slow or at halftime). I've used it at a Real Salt Lake game and it was great. Now they just need to get into more venues.

check it out the Mangia video in full HD.

Shot by the ever-talented Travis Babcock with help from Eric Russel as 1st AC. we shot the majority of the commercial on the REDone, but parts were shot on the Cannon 5D mark II (see if you can tell which shots). We are leaning on that camera more and more, it captures great images if you have nice glass.

We worked together with Brad Zupancic and the entire team over at Mangia on the concept and creation of the video. Michael Stone edited the piece and Bryan Moore of Lights and Colors did our graphics (I don't really trust anyone else to give a fresh look to things). Alex Lee was our main Gaffer and he really helped us get a great lighting effect. As always there was a lot of help from the entire Kineto Team including Genevieve Barr and George Dayton among a slew of help that came in, including the crowd that worked for Pizzas. I'm pretty happy with the results. If you want this service in your sporting venue, share the video.

Voting Day

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I like Voting Day, notice I didn't call it Election Day. I like it so much I think it should be a Holiday. It is a day that no matter how you feel or think you get a chance to put in your two cents for how our Country should be. So weather you think the Democrats are commie Pigs or the Republicans are Fear-mongering war-hawks, you get a chance to vote, and the thing is, I think every person that pulls that curtain close or punches that card or steps in the cardboard booth is committing an act of civil obedience. They are acting deliberately in an effort to make our country better.

The truth is, I think we have a pretty great country and no matter what you say, I don't think the Democrats or Republicans can ruin it, though sometimes it seems that way. The hard work of building a country and guaranteeing freedoms is done, but our work, the minor work of preserving democracy, protecting freedoms is a fine-tuning work. When anyone tells you that "they" are taking over the country remember that things aren't so bad as they were when blood was spilt at Gettysburg, or Lexington and Concord or even on the shores of Normandy. Sure there is still conflict in the world that we are locked in and we can debate the value and prudence of that. But it is not on our soil for our freedoms. We have that, we just need to keep fine tuning what was given to us.

So I like Voting Day. It's like the Fourth of July, but instead of celebrating our past we are working for a future. I think they should unite Veterans Day with Voting day, and those memories can fuel our civic duty. God bless America indeed, but I think he will only inasmuch as we are willing to bless it with our own actions.