Thursday, November 30, 2006


So I am always inventing stuff. Stuff to make life better, or at least a little more delicious. I shouldn't write about these things because they will make me a millionaire if I just make them myself (see also: t.v. show ideas). Instead, I will give them out like a modern day robbing hood, stealing ideas from the geniuses (me) and giving them to the mentally poor (you).

Idea number 1: Pie Cake

Yeah, I know, brilliant huh? If you are wondering what it is, then you are indeed poor-of-mind. Pie cake is basically a cake with a pie baked right inside. People are always asking me "Hey guy, what do you like more, pie or cake." well, this solves that problem. Also, it presents new challenges as you figure out which pies go with which cakes. The coconut-cream-pie-in-a-german-chocolate cake is a slamdunk (see Michael Jordan), but think about a cherry pie in a rich double chocolate cake? or apple pie in a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting?

Are you catching the vision?


well good luck getting a pie into a cake.
(actually I have invented a [genius] way to get a pie into a cake and if you want it you will have to send me five dollars).

Idea 2: Bacon Butter

This idea has been floating around for some time. It is as simple as it is deliciously bad for your heart. it is kind of a breakfast butter, to add protein to your morning toast, but there are so many uses!!!! Some have heard of this idea. basically it is butter with bacon crumbles right inside.

think of what you could baste with this!!!

Idea 3: Troughies (TM)

There is another business idea for this one, it is essentially a restaurant that bases itself around several long tables where patrons (you) come in and eat from a mutual trough containing the cereal of choice. It will bring people together on the topics that really unite them (lucky charms or cracklin' oat bran?). Plus, mutual trough of milk.

If you want chocolate milk, there will be a spigot at the end of the "cocoa krispies" trough, except we won't call it a "spigot" because, gross. It will be called a "fun nozzle".

also, don't get Troughies(TM) confused with Trophies* next door. It is a sports bar where you all drink beer out of the same trophies. You get a free t-shirt if you and your "party" (get it) can drink a whole "stanley cup" of beer.

Idea 4: Clear Armor

I have an idea for a suit of armor made out of plexiglass, but I don't think I should mention it because I bet it'd get pretty sweaty in there and that would gross out people that are watching you and trying to eat from their troughs.

Idea 5: Video Game

How 'bout a game that makes you more socially adept?

*a fully owned subsidiary of Troughies International.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Thank Goodness for Thanksgiveness

Things I am thankful for: (In no particular order)

high-fives (the comeback)
hearty oatmeal
Mom and Dad
Hobo lore
the collected poems of Ogden Nash
backflips, and the people who do them
the "slamdunk"
micron pigment pens
cougars (and pumas)
warm laundry
"the ladies"
movie theater popcorn
hot cocoa
Owen and Olivia (and Morgan)
cold cocoa that has been heated up
the "web"
digital photography
things that are awesome (both old and new)
blind dates
deaf dates
pigs in a blanket
wool blankets (for the poor)
wheelchair athletes
New York Doll
miniature pony's
"Shame On" signs, and the people that hold them
barbecue sauce
Arbby- Q sauce
frozen custard
pies, in the face or in the mouth
pie cake
sad clowns
swimming pools
The Waffle House (the awful house)
brilliant ideas
that video for "i'm from Barcelona" where the guy's tie changes
"getting over it"
fish tacos (the good kind)
Massaman Curry
a good backscratch
the sunlight through the window in my front room when it hits my shoulder before a nap
people at my house
Battle Star Galactica
the idea that a pan can punch through steel
memories of youth
hopes for future
the fleeting moment that is now
Akira Kurosawa
machines that quietly hum
the Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Teaching Sunday School
a job
holy writ
The Honey Bunch of Oats
seeing "Jeremy McGuire"
the fact that CarriDee will be on for at least one more week
Zhang Yimou
that DeVotchka concert
stolen glance
that painting
Ben's print
friends that found love
online drama
Jet Blue
the prospect of Christmas
Sufjan Stevens 'Christmas Album
Thurl Bailey's Christmas Album
Sweet Potato casserole
naps on the carpet
Kids that think you are a "pony" or a "rocket ship"
the decline of Jessica Simpson's carreer
fire pits
the canyons
the sea
Lake Powell
Emmerson Lake and Palmer (just for the song "touch and go")
the word "probate"
lack of colostomy bags
less kidney stones this year (when compared with last)
Blue Kitchen
Friends that will go to movies with me
little gifts
the Wasatch Fault and the portent of our doom (just the portent, not the doom)
Steven Greenstreet
scribbled poetry, never-to-be-read by the object thereof.
that millisecond after a sneeze
a scratched itch
sweet relief
sweet relish
relishing the moment
momentary bliss
Karma Chameleon (not so much)
trained dolphins
sharks that are unaware of the skill and cunning of a trained dolphin
scuba knifes strapped about the ankle
harpoon guns
movies that end with "The END?"

the END?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Dark Continent

So I went to a land ripe for comedy: Ghana

I found out that jokes about lepers are somewhat less funny when you have spent time in a leper colony.

Anyway, here are some pictures from my trip: