Monday, July 31, 2006

a short joke


Okay, I don't think that little people should be an object of ridicule. They are normal people who happen to be short, but I have an acquaintance who is a little person. I would say he is a friend, as we are friendly, but we don't go out for shakes on the weekend or anything. So I don't want to be one of those people who say "I have a friend who is black/gay/werewolf" and then say a racist joke.

This is based on a true story.

So anyway, I was speaking to him about the term "Midg@t", asking him if that is an acceptable term. To which his reply was, "No for us (meaning "our people") the term "M!dget" is like the word "N!#&$"".

So I want to be careful with this tidbit of knowledge. But then I find out about "little people" conventions, and I wonder if they are walking around the convention hall all "Whassup my M!dgets!?" and, "M!dget what!" "M!dget please!" and slapping high* fives with their little fingers?

I've gone to far, haven't I?

So anyway, now you know what it is like to spend any amount of time with me. I am a lame-humored anti-midgite (I am not really an anti midgite, I really do love their people, they are so good with chocolate).

I hope nobody ever reads this forevermore.

*not that "high"


I hate it when you are bored and looking for something to do (always) so you check the blog circuit and they all say the same thing they said five minutes ago.

But I have decided that I won't fall victim to my adoring public (both of you).

No siree, no way José*, I just won't do it.

*Did I ever tell you about the time that I met José Conseco and I got to see him in nothing but his unders and a tank top and he walked right over to a platter full of deli meats and just ate them by the pinchful? I should tell you about it sometime.

Friday, July 21, 2006


I have an idea about a movie.

This movie will star Steve Guttenberg and it will be about back when he was at the top of his career. Then along came "Three Men and a Little Lady" and on his break he would play one on one on one basketball with his costars. Ted Danson would always stuff him and do mad layups over hisself and made him feel bad. So anyway, this guy disappears off of the radar for a few moments and works really hard on basketball. He realizes, due in part to his size, that he will never be an offensive force, so he develops a new style of defense (I don't want to ruin the ending, but suffice it to say, it involves a lot of "hustling").

He uses his new "style" to coach a ragtag bunch of youngsters (one kid says the most inappropriate things) to the district championship, also he learns how to read.

the name of the movie:

The Guttenberg Press

(I apologize that it took SO long to set up that joke).

Thursday, July 06, 2006


I have learned that the quality of the food at a mexican restaurant is inversely proportional to the quantity of decoration in the establishment.

Restaurant A:

Decoration: it has sombreros on the wall and panchos as tapestries and paper mache everythings.
Food: Covered in melted cheddar on an oblong plate with canned refried beans.

Restaurant B:

Decoration: some phone cards and maybe a calendar with the Virgen de Guadalupe.
Food: Awesome.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

No Whey Hose A.

I met Jose Conseco yesterday.

At the end of the day, despite a chance to interview him and "hang", I felt like a failure because I never had the chance to say, "No Way Jose", even though that was my main goal. I was feeling sullen and blue and then I realized, I am not a failure, when I am old and withered I can tell my offspring, "Child, your grandad once met a real live American Gladiator. " and the kid will be like, "whatevs, oldster" and fly away on his hoverboard.

but I will know. I will know.