Friday, January 25, 2008

Some dance

If you are going to go to a film festival, make documentaries your priority. Here is why:

There are a lot of poorly made films at a festival. The majority of the good ones will find distribution and make it to a local art-house at least. Films that have a LOT of buzz will probably even get a wide release. Anymore the festival scene is really about independent filmmakers and artistic and innovative films as much as it is about promoting a certain type of film that "feels" independent (and has a major star trying to earn some acting chops). National Treasure could have been a Sundance film if Nicholas Cage had a 14 year old daughter that was into taxidermy and said whatever was on her mind.

So go see the documentaries. Some are sweet and some are alarmist, many simply have a cause and the Q&A isn't about the craft it's about the cause "But what can we do?!?" I usually like the documentaries about people but sometimes I like the informative ones. I saw two documentaries like this. One better than the other, but both interesting and fair-handed and informative enough to make me care about their causes. FLOW was about water and it talked about a number of issues surrounding the privatization of water (bad) and the importance of conservation (good) and activism (good?). Personally I think activism is a tool for when the normal processes don't work (ie: voting, legislation etc..) some people like the romance of the sit in and the picket sign (but I digress). I left this film firm in my resolve not to buy bottled water (for a number of reasons, we can talk about it if you'd like). It was a nice film by people that cared passionately about what they were doing.

The other doc I saw was I.O.U.S.A. It was a midnight show and it was on economics and debt. To me this was a bigger warning that former vice-president Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Power Point Presentation" (which I only thought was vice-good). I left the theater wanting to vote for a candidate that would raise taxes and balance the budget and diminish entitlements. Did you know in the last 7 years our national debt has almost doubled? and more importantly, the holders of the debt are now, more than ever, foreign entities, specifically China?

Why does this matter? is this only theoretical money? Well kind of, but the thing is, once people realize that money is only theoretical that's when it all goes bad, and if the owners of our debt do that to us our green pieces of paper aren't worth anything anymore, and the zeroes and ones in your atm mean less. But more to the point, these foreign debt holders can influence and dictate policy to US. The world bank already does it to 3rd world countries. So the thing we should care about is that the guys that pulled off the party at Tianemen square also hold our debt, and if at any point we decide to become idealistic the thing that our loan collectors can repossess is our ideal of what America is.

Yeesh, sometimes I just wish we could pay off our National Debt with our National Treasure. Anybody know a Templar Knight?

Thursday, January 17, 2008


Doctor (examining a patient's appendix): Wow, I bet that hurts like the Dickens!
Patient (who is a minor celebrity): No, it's actually just north of the Dickens

(cue laugh track)

This was said to my father (a doctor) by a patient (more like IMpatient) who makes his living off making jokes. Which is a bigger crime: to violate HIPA or to steal a joke?

I want to become the Robins William of appendix jokes.

Thanks to the fine folks at the Google, I am the NUMBER 1 result when you search appendix jokes.

I got three hits yesterday alone!!! I am getting at least one a day!! I dont' have enough exclamation marks!!!!!

I promise my next jokes won't have a theme, or at least they won't have THIS theme.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Salt City Ink.

How about a reality show about a Salt Lake City tattoo parlor that only does temporary tattoos. Sure it's not a great idea, but c'mon, there are already FOUR shows about tattoo parlors.

Anyway, I have a few opinions about tattoos, but mostly I don't care. Mostly because getting a tattoo is like having someone write down the date you wanted to get a tattoo on your body. Also, it is mostly because it is like choosing a t-shirt that you really like, and deciding to wear it for the rest of forever.

But on the other hand, they can be really cool. So what's a fella to do?

Well if I DID get a tattoo it would probably be one of the following (feel free to take any of these ideas and let me know how they turn out).


  • Calvin urinating on gothic letters that say: "TATTOO"
  • Herve Villachez ("Hey want to see my tattoo?").
  • A picture of my face, on my face, about 3/4 size (Sure it's vain, but people will always be under the illusion that I am backing away from them).
  • The words "Bad Idea" on my cheek, right below my eye.
  • Robot hand (on hand).
  • A tattoo right under my nostril, you think it is a booger but when you look close, nope, it's a beautiful butterfly (with skulls on it's wings).
  • A tattoo of big muscles all over my body (<---GREAT IDEA).
  • a tribal.
  • A tattoo of lots of money, but make it look like it's coming out of my pockets (they are a-million-dollar-bills)
  • A Bear Murdering a Puma (with some malice of forethought).
  • A tattoo of a box of TNT right where my appendix should be (gotta please my readership)
  • A tattoo of a good haircut on (and around) my head.
  • A tattoo that says "VOTE FOR MITCH ROMNEY!!!
If you have any more ideas, go ahead and give them to me. Especially if they are related to your FREE APPENDIX SURGERY JOKES!!!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Bursting with Appendix Jokes!!!

So this guy (Brian) is now working with a company that does Web Analytics. Really high-powered stuff that can tell what gum you are eating while you are surfing the site. I, on the other hand, am using good ole-fashioned Sitemeter. What I have learned from the free sitemeter is that most people that read my blog know me, or know people that know me. But about once a day, I get someone who did a google search for "appendix jokes". one of my first posts was an appendix of my most commonly used jokes I am getting searchers from around the world looking for appendix jokes.

So friends, family, people who know people who I know: This post is not for you. This is for the Guy in New Zealand whose mom is in the hospital and is looking for something clever to write about her recent surgery. Here is the thing, I don't want to just GIVE you jokes (then you won't come back). So instead, I am just going to give you a couple of Appendix Punchlines. Also, at the end of the post I am going to write a few words that are sure to increase my Appendix-Jokes traffic.


"No, I said vestigial organ, not vestigial Oregon!"

"And St. Peter said, 'It was the RUPTURE, not the RAPTURE!'"

"Well it all came out in the end"

"Now THAT is what I call splenic flexture!"  (I hope you guys are alright with a few splean jokes thrown in)

"Well you sure ain't going to find any bibliographies in THAT appendix"


"I'll show YOU a small fingerlike organ!"

"Duoden'em, I hardly knew him"

Thank you folks I'll be here all week.

hot sexy appendix jokes babes appendix jokes free iphone appendix jokes dirty appendix jokes funny appendix jokes geneology appendix jokes Mitt Romney appendix jokes free cake appendix jokes.

P.S. I am getting about 13 hits a day right now, let's see if we can get a spike in appendix jokes traffic!

Friday, January 04, 2008

Lazer Quest(ions)

Q: Is there any funner thing that can be did on a Thursday night than to play lazer tag for brothers birthday?

A: Nope

Q: But isn't it kind of dorky?

A: Yup

Q: Surely there is a funner thing to do, isn't there?

A: Not unless there is a game called lazer french-out.

Q: "French out" that sounds gross. Do you have any suggestions for making innocuous forms of affection sound gross?

A: Good question. Yes, if you want to make some form of affection sound gross, make it a gerund (or past participle) then add a direction: (french kiss =frenching up ex: I totally got frenched up last night, hugging = front hugging ex: I am really into front hugging these days).

Q: Does Michelle Hoon have a grosser version

A: Yup, but I will let her tell it.

Q: Are you some sort of perv.

A: No, it just sounds like it, most of my friends think I am a prude, I blush when I walk by a women's underwear store.

Q: nerd

A: that's not really a question now is it?

Q: Ah hah, the questioner has become the question-ed. HOW D'YOU LIKE ME NOW!?!?

A: I like you just fine.

Q: Do you have any pictures that you have took that demonstrate your patriotism?

Q: I question your patriotism.

A: Well then I guess we know who your uncle is not (Sam).

Q: Happy New year?

A: whatevs.