Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Using my Talents for good, not ill (but also for the ill)

I have had a few more clicks from BING. I have oft criticized Microsoft, I have to give them this, their search engine knows how to find appendix jokes. I am now... wait for it

I should be an SEO consultant. Anybody want some snake oil?

So here is the funny* thing. My Dad is a doctor and he is actually a very good doctor, and not only that, he is the type of doctor that is really good at stuff, like taking out appendixes.

like he wrote the book on it. Okay, he just edited the book on it, but still, c'mon.

So you would think that having the #1 RANK ON BING and a Surgeon for a father I would actually have a few good jokes about appendixes OR I would be able to send business his way.

but nope, it don't work that way.

I wish it did because I totally want to lure him back to Utah. So do you know anyone who needs a Chairman of Surgery? or that doesn't need their appendix? NOTE: he is also good at removing gallbladders, large colons**, and son's delusions of grandeur.

I should be able to use my considerable internet prowess to get my folks home. But alas, even though my Dad reads facebook daily, he refuses to actually create a profile (we created this one to pressure him to join, you should join it). So he is impervious the the lure of the internetz.

Well if we can't get him here to cut up people, I will have to settle with having him come for thanksgiving.

So Dad, if you are reading this, you can carve the Turkey you hamburger.

*funny weird, not funny "ha ha"
**colons the organ, not colons the punctuation, but I guess as an editor he is good at both.
Weirdand FUNNY.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Other than the collected works of Ogden Nash, this is one of my favorite poems of all time(s).

There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going.
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the river's flowing.
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a blowing?

Not a speck of light is showing
so the danger must be growing.
Are the fires of hell a glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes! The danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing. And they're certainly not showing
any signs that they are slowing!

this is available on blu-ray

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Fitting in with the Hipsters

I'm not a hipster, at least I don't think I am (sometimes I wear Dockers), but I have learned to get along fine with this delightful folk.

Here is a couple of tips:
  • Don't use superlative, unless in irony. You can say that T.J. Hooker is "totally awesome", or that M.A.S.H. is the greatest show of all time, but if you really like something you heavily qualify it. Like this "Sujfan Stevens is kind of amazing" (When in fact he is TOTALLY amazing, even though I think he believes a lot more is Space nowadays)
  • do a blog
  • It's okay to make fun of Hipsters, because none of them think they are them. I usually consider Hipsters to be people that dress like my friends, but I don't think of my friends as hipsters.
  • make a piece of your own clothes. Even if it isn't cool, it gives you some credibility.
  • Know the difference between a Hipster and an Indie Hipster. Both are too cool for you, but the Indie Hipster will make his/her distain more naked. I actually think most Hipsters that I personally know are delightful folk, but they ARE cooler than me.
  • If you want them to like your pictures of stuff, get lots of lens flares in it. I like lens flares anyways.
  • Don't assume to know about a band that you think they don't know about. Instead of introducing a hipster to a new band, ask for their opinion. instead of "Hey have you heard of a band called the Animal Collective?" ask "Hey, what do you know about this Animal Collective band." They will respect that you know your place in this world.
  • Don't wear business casual to a concert.
  • Get apple products, but also hate apple, at least a little bit. Here is a good line "Yeah I got the iPhone a while ago, before Steve Jobs got evil."
  • Once other people start liking it, you are gonna have to start liking it on your own.
I wish I fit into a movement or a style. I am not really a Hipster.At least I don't think I am, but that is the thing about hipsters, if you say you are one, you probably aren't. So maybe I am way a Hipster. But I think by making this snobby blog I am a little more hipster. (and there goes my credibility, 'tis a fragile thing. Here is another thing about their kind: they are good at making fun at stuff, and look what I am trying to do.

So anyways

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Mangia, Miss the line, not the moment

I don't talk about work much around here or my Utah Video Production Company. I am not very comfortable promoting myself. But since I do like to talk about myself, I should mention my work once in a while. This is a little spot I wrote and directed.

Mangia offers a great service. You can go to a game and use your phone or mobile device and order any of the food they have on offer and it is delivered right to your seat. This is especially great if you have kids or know that everyone gets hungry at the same time (when the action is slow or at halftime). I've used it at a Real Salt Lake game and it was great. Now they just need to get into more venues.

check it out the Mangia video in full HD.

Shot by the ever-talented Travis Babcock with help from Eric Russel as 1st AC. we shot the majority of the commercial on the REDone, but parts were shot on the Cannon 5D mark II (see if you can tell which shots). We are leaning on that camera more and more, it captures great images if you have nice glass.

We worked together with Brad Zupancic and the entire team over at Mangia on the concept and creation of the video. Michael Stone edited the piece and Bryan Moore of Lights and Colors did our graphics (I don't really trust anyone else to give a fresh look to things). Alex Lee was our main Gaffer and he really helped us get a great lighting effect. As always there was a lot of help from the entire Kineto Team including Genevieve Barr and George Dayton among a slew of help that came in, including the crowd that worked for Pizzas. I'm pretty happy with the results. If you want this service in your sporting venue, share the video.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Voting Day

I like Voting Day, notice I didn't call it Election Day. I like it so much I think it should be a Holiday. It is a day that no matter how you feel or think you get a chance to put in your two cents for how our Country should be. So weather you think the Democrats are commie Pigs or the Republicans are Fear-mongering war-hawks, you get a chance to vote, and the thing is, I think every person that pulls that curtain close or punches that card or steps in the cardboard booth is committing an act of civil obedience. They are acting deliberately in an effort to make our country better.

The truth is, I think we have a pretty great country and no matter what you say, I don't think the Democrats or Republicans can ruin it, though sometimes it seems that way. The hard work of building a country and guaranteeing freedoms is done, but our work, the minor work of preserving democracy, protecting freedoms is a fine-tuning work. When anyone tells you that "they" are taking over the country remember that things aren't so bad as they were when blood was spilt at Gettysburg, or Lexington and Concord or even on the shores of Normandy. Sure there is still conflict in the world that we are locked in and we can debate the value and prudence of that. But it is not on our soil for our freedoms. We have that, we just need to keep fine tuning what was given to us.

So I like Voting Day. It's like the Fourth of July, but instead of celebrating our past we are working for a future. I think they should unite Veterans Day with Voting day, and those memories can fuel our civic duty. God bless America indeed, but I think he will only inasmuch as we are willing to bless it with our own actions.

Monday, November 01, 2010

I can't stop the flood

I can't stop the flood of ideas. I mean pie cake has really taken off and I have to wonder if any of my other wonderful ideas will eventually end up on MSNBC with someone else executing them with no link to me whatsoever.

As you can see from this 2008 blog post about piecake. I have been talking about piecake for a long time. If you know me at all you know I have been talking about piecake for nigh on a half decade.

I wonder if I should write that musical that I have been thinking of for a long time. It's called "I'm not even a little bit racist". There is a great line in there about not being racist even though I am uncomfortable when I watch you kind kiss. It's kind of epic, but with a big band swing.

Also, I should finish my story for "Hotel Zombie" but I think "the Walking Dead" steals its thunder.

I will not back down on bacon butter though, someone is going to do it before I do.