Thursday, August 31, 2006


I don't want this to be a blog that people pass on their way to other blogs. I don't want this to be a blog where they get links for all the other hot blogs.

I am thinking, this is more of a "destination blog".

Now I just need to figure out how to serve Pina Coladas over the internet.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Technical difficulties

Sorry I haven't written to this eJournal for a bit. I have been in Indonesia. I would like to write something right now, but I am having a hard time thinking of good jokes about nations whose populations were decimated by tsunamis.

Do you know any?

Friday, August 11, 2006

Hello, a lot of you don't know me, my name is Damian, and I am new in this ward.

When the bishop called and asked me to give a talk this week on the 12 article of faith, my first thought was "good, he doesn't want me to do the long article of faith." but then I read it, and my second through seventh thoughts were a bunch of swears. So today, I am going to talk about swears.

"We believe in not saying swears or bad swears."

Websters dictionary defines swears as "Bad swears that you swear at people." President Kimbal once said, "Swears are the evidence of a weak mind trying to express itself swearfully."

I think we shouldn't say bad swears. Some swears aren't bad swears and we probably shouldn't say those swears either, like bastardize, bitchin' and masturbatory. Once a mission companion of mine said that you know you shouldn't say a word if you can't imagine a apostle saying that word. But then I said to him what about the word "Boi oi oi oing". I can't imagine Elder Packard saying that word, but I don't think it is a swear, not even a week swear.

Some times when you read the scriptures you will see swears. These are called Bible swears. It is okay when you read them, but if you read them outloud you will be forgiven only if you get uncomfortable that everyone else in the sunday school class thinks that you are "used to that sort of thing."

Even when you don't say bad swears you should not hear or listen to bad swears in rock and roll or rap. When people say a swear, you shouldn't say anything to them (unless you are there mother). A good way to let people know that they are saying swears is to look at them like they just put a little poop in your brownie. Being dissapointed in people is also a good way to not let swears into your life.

Swears are a bad thing. Sometimes when we say a swear it feels good in our mouth, but that is not Happiness, it is only pleasure. Some people think it is okay to say a swear if you mix it with other words. If you need to say mean things to people you don't need to use swears to say it. You can call them names (like what animals that they look like), point out how unattractive they are, or tell them that you will prolly be a general authority some day. also, if you use a swear in your blog your father or father in law will prolly be disappointed in you. So don't.

Remember that swears don't make you tough, they just make you sweary.
I know that if we learn to not say swears or bad swears and only use bible swears in class and not when people cut us off we will be better people.


P.S. Dad, I never really say swears.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Journal(ism) now in cinemascope

This blog is not about me,

it is about my ability to make bad jokes. But sometimes this desire to make jokes collides with the real world. Not this real world:

but the real real world. A world where we struggle for life and leisure and desparately try to figure out who is the boss of whom.

So the other weekend I bought a camera, and the other other weekend (the more recent of the two), some friends got together.

not these friends:

These Friends

and also these friends

and we packed up in a large gas swilling vehicle and went to visit Mona.

not this Mona:

this Mona:

(I'm sorry, the other mona was a bit of a stretch)

So we had a pretty good time

we actually had a great time

who am I kidding, it was nigh on a religious experience it was so good!

Some people might tell you different (that it was only the best thing of the summer instead of the best thing of a lifetime). But don't trust people with bad hair lakes.

anyway, by the time the swamp thing showed up, it was about time to go

So went to find someplace to eat.
We first saw this place

but we decided to eat someplace else

Actually we didn't even eat at that someplace else, we ate at this someplace else

and the food was delicious and greasy

I know what you are thinking: "Oh dear!" They had SO much fun.

Oh deer is right!

Who's the boss now?