Appendectomy (Appendix Jokes cont...)

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My biggest concern with having my appendix removed is that from now on, I will have to rely entirely upon footnotes.


This joke is appropriate to tell to academics who are having an appendectomy. Like if you come back to the school, and people are concerned about someone who had their appendix removed, you can modify it.

Jeff is really concerned about his appendicitis. I told him not to worry about the due date on his dissertation, But he just said, "oh it's not that, If they remove my appendix, I will have to rely entirely upon my footnotes."

It would also be helpful if you have a snare drum and cymbal nearby (laugh track optional).

More important that Art

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Things that are more important than "Art" at the "Utah Art's Festival"

• The Navajo Taco
• Fried stuff at Airport prices
• Keeping that local vendor of Ethnic food alive for another year
• the Churro
• Public Beer
• lines
• Bands that can't get people to listen to their music on their own merits so they perform at festivals
• atm fees
• Crafts
• hemp necklaces
• Public sweating
• Stuff made out of things other than what the things were intended for
• Bikes
• lots of humans
• booths
• leather mugs
• People that you normally just see on the internet, but now you get to see in person, maybe
• complaining about stuff

Last comes the art.

a case for electronic books

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Books are wonderful things
full and covered with ink.
They smell like so much knowledge
and have such a weighty presence
indicating all the fabulous things
I have stuffed into my head
But the ink wears off on my fingers
and the pages
become brittle when you read them
over and over
and now the electronic words
don't impress you on my shelf
but the ink only wears off
in my head
and it is the words that I love
and not the representation
thereof

MOVIE IDEA II

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This team of young misfits gang up to use there super-powers to save the world, but also they have dry and scratchy skin. It's called

ECZEMA MEN.

coming soon!

One Year

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It was a year ago last week that I went home to see my Mom after he cancer recurred. I wanted to make something with her, so I had her teach me a TOP SECRET family recipe. If you are a member of a Dayton family, any Dayton family. You not only love the Chocolate Roll, you revere it, you speak of it in hushed tones. When your father eats it, he talks about how they only had it once a year, and the slice was so thin, you would spend the rest of the year thinking about it.

Here is one thing you probably didn't know about the Dayton Chocolate Roll, Grandma Lois Dayton invented it. I interviewed her once about it, and didn't get a chance to film it. She had a Better Homes and Gardens recipe, and if I recall she didn't have the cream cheese, so she took the recipe and made it her own.

Here is the thing about the Chocolate Roll, it has a number of secrets. The Cake needs to be cold and the chocolate sauce needs to be hot. The cream is unsweetened and the sauce is super-rich. It's essentially The Law of Opposition in a desert.

So one year later, I finished this video. The audio is rough and the image isn't great. I just shot in on my DSL with no microphone. But this is precious to me. In the year since we made this, not only did my Mother pass away (as many of you know), but my Grandmother, the inventor of this recipe, did as well. So I post this in honor of some of the great women in my life.

movie idea: THE HANDS

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I hope you are not tired of Mormon movies, because I got a thriller for you.

There is this incredible Relief Society group, and they seem like average women, with your normal foibles and weaknesses (like gossipiness, judgementalness and soft arms) but they are really great at preparing meals for ward activities. Then one of them, let's say Marjeen, discovers that she has super strength in her hands, and this other one can shoot fire from her hands (that's Linda), and another one can knit super-fast , let's call her Busy (short for Elizabeth, but she is also a busybody). 

So it turns out that they got the super powers because at all of the ward dinners, they always blessed "the hands that prepared this meal." (Nancy did get any powers because she showed up, but she would just stand around and "supervise" because she was a counselor in the relief society presidency, and her hands didn't do anything)

Later, there is a bus accident that kills them all, but their hands come out of the graves to do deeds because they are so blessed.

The movie is a tragicomedy, but you also learn a lesson because Nancy dies anyways and her hands can't do deeds or anything. Service is about more than just supervising <-------That's the moral of the tale.

I think my Mom would be embarrassed that I wrote this story, but it is based on true events.

INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY

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Does anybody want to invest in my new restaurant: Murray Calendars?

We sell delicious pies and every order comes with a free calendar with pictures of historic Murray on it. "Come for the pie, stay for the calendar (year)".

We are only in Murray (I mean would you ever consider eating at Midvale Calendars?)

Observations from the future

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I wonder if my friends over at the time travel blog noticed this:

Remember when Bill and Ted (from the past of 1989) traveled to the future and met these wise judges who decide everything?

But then remember how now we are their future and there is this show called ANTM with wise judges who decides everything*:

But then also remember far in the past there was a wise woman who could answer your question, but she was also a puppet?

but then there was also an angel that answered your questions.

I guess what I am saying that it's not that truth is stranger than fiction, it's that they are the SAME THING!!!!

*Well at least one of them is on ANTM, the other is the devil wearing Prada.