Thursday, January 10, 2008

Bursting with Appendix Jokes!!!

So this guy (Brian) is now working with a company that does Web Analytics. Really high-powered stuff that can tell what gum you are eating while you are surfing the site. I, on the other hand, am using good ole-fashioned Sitemeter. What I have learned from the free sitemeter is that most people that read my blog know me, or know people that know me. But about once a day, I get someone who did a google search for "appendix jokes". one of my first posts was an appendix of my most commonly used jokes I am getting searchers from around the world looking for appendix jokes.

So friends, family, people who know people who I know: This post is not for you. This is for the Guy in New Zealand whose mom is in the hospital and is looking for something clever to write about her recent surgery. Here is the thing, I don't want to just GIVE you jokes (then you won't come back). So instead, I am just going to give you a couple of Appendix Punchlines. Also, at the end of the post I am going to write a few words that are sure to increase my Appendix-Jokes traffic.


APPENDIX PUNCHLINES:



"No, I said vestigial organ, not vestigial Oregon!"

"And St. Peter said, 'It was the RUPTURE, not the RAPTURE!'"

"Well it all came out in the end"

"Now THAT is what I call splenic flexture!"  (I hope you guys are alright with a few splean jokes thrown in)

"Well you sure ain't going to find any bibliographies in THAT appendix"

"STAND BACK, IT'S GOING TO BLOW!!!"

"I'll show YOU a small fingerlike organ!"

"Duoden'em, I hardly knew him"



Thank you folks I'll be here all week.




hot sexy appendix jokes babes appendix jokes free iphone appendix jokes dirty appendix jokes funny appendix jokes geneology appendix jokes Mitt Romney appendix jokes free cake appendix jokes.

P.S. I am getting about 13 hits a day right now, let's see if we can get a spike in appendix jokes traffic!

14 comments:

Ems said...

oh man...this post is the very reason I love damian.

Brian said...

you are in for it now. babes, iphones, appendix. that's a potent combination

B. said...

Hahaha! Awesome.

I get dozens of hits from people that spilled bodily fluids on their microsuede.

Sarita said...

Good work on the appendix joke traffic. I am confident that you can keep it up.

I just get people looking for break dancing images and the phrase "hold my boobs"......I still cant figure that one out.

Damian said...

well now you'll just get more hits.

wild murdocks said...

I may be the only blogger in the world without a sitemeter, and am very sad I'm missing out on such delights. Which sitemeter would you suggest?

Damian said...

Ems,

I love you to.


(who are you?I know a lot of "Ems")

Angie said...

I hit you up at least once a day, so thank me for being one of the 13.

Oh and how do I get my free iphone?

(adriane) said...

and another...

"he removed the appendix from his medical textbook."

did your count go up today? i might be a first-timer. but not through an "appendix jokes" search.

Damian said...

WELCOME ALL!

Ems,

Hey

Brian,

What's up!?!?

B,

thanks. I wonder if we combined forces we could monopolize all the traffic from people that want to do surgery on microsued couches (lolamoj).

Sarita,

How do you think I found your blog?

Damian,

Good one

W. M-docks,

I use sitemeter, but there are also google metrics which are supposed to be a decent solution (for free). If you want real resuslts, use Omniture, which is a heavy hitter in the web metrics department.

Ems,

Still don't know who you are.

Angie,

I will tell you the secret to free iphones but the secret costs 399.00 and you have to sign up with AT&T (formerly crapy cellular service, now with a new name).

(adriane),

I welcome you only parenthetically speaking.

To everyone else. We did see a big spike on Thursday (42 hits can you believe it????) So far I can only find one from a google search in La Jolla California.

They should call this: the World Wide Web (of Lies).

Sarita said...

I should have known it was you searching for break dancing images pretty much everyday of the week.

Shoulda known.

Dan & Sarah Mokwa said...

So guess what... I'm here because I googled "appendix jokes" :) My boss just had his taken out and I thought it only proper to send him an email with a dimwitted joke. Thanks for the punchlines!
Oh, and I'm from Pennsylvania. So now there are two people in the world looking for inappropriate joke material.

Nick Netchvolodoff said...

I am one of the folks looking for appendix jokes. Thanks for the yucks. This post was amusing.

Damian said...

Internet,

I am here for you.

So as a bonus I wrote this rap about Appendices:


When it comes to rapping about organs
Words are a guitar and I am Jimi Hendrix
All for your finger-like organ called your appendix.
Rhymes flying so fast that I picked up some paper and I penned this.
like a wordsmith Lothario,
here's hoping that you can mend this.
Yeah, you know that's the worst
when that thing's about to burst
It hurts more than the rise of Fred Durst
(whose music is cursed with a curse).
Then the surgeon makes that cut, a small two-inch incision
better hope that he's cuttin' with precision.
Because where he's slicing is just north of the dickens.
And you want to make sure that he is leaving you with more than just slim-pickens.
Yeah your appendix is straight out of the duodenum,
that organs' so stealth that you never seen him.
Now listen up son, 'cause my rhymes gettin' hectic
better cut out that thing, before it all goes septic.

Yo, I'm out
(like your appendix)