Thursday, November 30, 2006

Inventions

So I am always inventing stuff. Stuff to make life better, or at least a little more delicious. I shouldn't write about these things because they will make me a millionaire if I just make them myself (see also: t.v. show ideas). Instead, I will give them out like a modern day robbing hood, stealing ideas from the geniuses (me) and giving them to the mentally poor (you).

Idea number 1: Pie Cake

Yeah, I know, brilliant huh? If you are wondering what it is, then you are indeed poor-of-mind. Pie cake is basically a cake with a pie baked right inside. People are always asking me "Hey guy, what do you like more, pie or cake." well, this solves that problem. Also, it presents new challenges as you figure out which pies go with which cakes. The coconut-cream-pie-in-a-german-chocolate cake is a slamdunk (see Michael Jordan), but think about a cherry pie in a rich double chocolate cake? or apple pie in a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting?

Are you catching the vision?

Yes?

well good luck getting a pie into a cake.
(actually I have invented a [genius] way to get a pie into a cake and if you want it you will have to send me five dollars).


Idea 2: Bacon Butter

This idea has been floating around for some time. It is as simple as it is deliciously bad for your heart. it is kind of a breakfast butter, to add protein to your morning toast, but there are so many uses!!!! Some have heard of this idea. basically it is butter with bacon crumbles right inside.

think of what you could baste with this!!!

Idea 3: Troughies (TM)

There is another business idea for this one, it is essentially a restaurant that bases itself around several long tables where patrons (you) come in and eat from a mutual trough containing the cereal of choice. It will bring people together on the topics that really unite them (lucky charms or cracklin' oat bran?). Plus, mutual trough of milk.

If you want chocolate milk, there will be a spigot at the end of the "cocoa krispies" trough, except we won't call it a "spigot" because, gross. It will be called a "fun nozzle".

also, don't get Troughies(TM) confused with Trophies* next door. It is a sports bar where you all drink beer out of the same trophies. You get a free t-shirt if you and your "party" (get it) can drink a whole "stanley cup" of beer.

Idea 4: Clear Armor

I have an idea for a suit of armor made out of plexiglass, but I don't think I should mention it because I bet it'd get pretty sweaty in there and that would gross out people that are watching you and trying to eat from their troughs.

Idea 5: Video Game

How 'bout a game that makes you more socially adept?


















*a fully owned subsidiary of Troughies International.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bacon butter is also known as "fat back" in the South. Too late, sorry dude.

Manfoom said...

you don't even know your own name, like you would even know the first thing about bacon butter.

You probably think it is bacon in its own fat, but nope, it is real creamy butter with just enough bacon.


P.S. I hate your poem "footprints"

T.R. said...

nothing gross about "fun nozzle".

nomadic gnome said...

My dad just baked a pie cake. You are obviously involved in some sort of collective conscience scam.
Though, maybe you guys are related because he was adopted.

Iggy Enigma said...

would Troughies have waiter-type people [wearing farmers clothes?] that keep the cereal coming? cuz if not, soggy cereal. double ew.

one word: cheesecake. why does it get its own category? like it isn't just a glorified pie trying to pull one over on us.

Manfoom said...

Good question Igglebert, I hope everyone is paying attention.

This is NOT a farmer themed restaurants. We do not serve haystacks, Hawaiian or otherwise. We are not some kind of corn vendor wearing irrigation boots. THAT IS NOT WHAT WE ARE ABOUT!!!

But your freshness concerns are worth addressing. Here at Troughies we are concerned about your dining experience.

First of all,we predict a HIGH turnover. People will be coming for miles just to meet friends with the same cereal interests and the opportunity to share some dribblins(tm). Dribblins is what we call the chocolate milk.

The cereal will enter the trough through a chute next to the milk faucet (not the fun nozzle). At one end of the trough you will find the freshest crunchiest cereal. At the other end you will find the more supple variety.

We think that the tastes of the modern american variety as does the appetite for different textures. We believe that the process will naturally select. Some people will get there early to get in on the crunchlings(tm) while others (the aged or enfeebled) will prefer a more gentle mastication.

Lastly, let me say I am not one bit interested in your "theories" (if they can even be called that). I do want to mention that we will be opening (very soon) the world's first Cheesecake Sweatshop (patent pending). If you think Factories are efficient just wait! You won't believe what happens when you join artisan with the delicate hands of foreign children.

Manfoom said...

sorry guys, I just "moderated" some comments and accidentally deleted them.

please feel free to comment again.

sugarcube said...

You know what would get me to come to caroling with carolines? Pie Cake.
I'm just sayin'.

Manfoom said...

I have run into a few logistical challenges in creating pie-cake. But I might be up for another attempt.

aporitic said...

Hey, I like the pie cake idea, even though I don't really have any use for it (I'm pro-diversity that way). Whenever somebody asks me which I like more, pie or cake, the answer is EASY -- pie. Always pie.

In the heiarchy of desserts, pie is definitely higher than cake. Well, except for cheesecake, because you can't get better than cheesecake.

As for whatever wacko was badmouthing the cheescake, you better watch out buddy. Cheesecake is the king of desserts and nobody messes wid da king but wha' dey doan' get hurt, see.

Gladhanded's blog said...

Dear Manfoom,

Please write on me.

I miss our deliciously rude antics and how we always pointed out others weaknesses.

Love,

Bloggie

PS Doesn't everyone else suck?