Sunday, June 25, 2006

Jokes, an appendix

So I have the sense of humor of your grandpa. Not everyone's grandpa, just yours. I have some decent jokes that get a lot of traction, and I find that once I get an acceptable reaction that I use it again and again and again.

So, anywhoo, I thought if you wanted to know what it is like to interact with me on a regular basis, You can justs read here. I will use this blog to publish my time worn jokes that are so old I doubt Grandma Moses remembers them. Keep in mind, these jokes are NOT funny, but they help out in social situations with the aged or those whom you hometeach.

ahem,

MEETING PEOPLE "Humor"

Q: So what are you up to?
A: About 180 pounds.

Q:How are you?
A: I can't complain...
...because of throat cancer.

MY DATING LIFE "Humor"
(because I am a single mormon, all adult mormons want to talk to me about this)

Q:So how are the ladies treating you?
A: like a baby treats a diaper.
(this joke I stole from Norm on Cheers, there the secret is out).

Q:So when are you getting married? (ha HA!)
A: July 1st, could you recomend a girl because I have reserved the reception hall and everything, preferably one that is okay with "eclairs" as our refreshment.

Q:So why aren't you married yet?
A: I am just waiting for the right girl to find me, and I wish she'd start looking a little harder.

SUNBURN "Humor"
(my skin is so sensitive that I get burnt if I even have a bright idea).

Q: Ouch, you look sunburned.
A: I'm not sunburned, I'm just REALLY embarassed.

Q:Ouch, does that hurt
A: Not as much as the kidney stone I am passing right now.
(Author's note: I did pass a kidney stone once, "Congratulations, you have just given birth to a grape-nut.")


7 comments:

Cindy said...

My grandpas were never this funny. Actually, there's still some debate as to who my American grandpa really was. My other grandpa was a German soldier in WWII. Not that funny.

That little people joke, still funny.

Dainon said...

"Midget what?!"

Someone needs to put that on a shirt. Pronto.

Manfoom said...

there will be a t-shirt sooncoming, but not of midgets and little people (I don't wear swears on shirts)

Bryant said...

You're my new favorite blogger. Can I add you to my blog club? I'm even ok with it if you just keep posting this post over and over (very grandpa-esque).

gretel said...

manfoom! thanks for the laugh :)

adri said...

DAME, YOU COME UP UNDER "APPENDIX JOKES" IF YOU CLICK ON "FEELING LUCKY" -GREAT JOB!

Damian said...

I seem to be dropping in the ranks. My appendix of jokes isn't what people are looking for perhaps.