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Selling my house

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Maybe it's time to bring this thing back to life?

Appendix Jokes - A rap

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I'm still getting hits for Appendix Jokes, which is hot*.

So to thank my latest commentor (Nick Netchvolodoff is in the HIZZY!), and because I am kind of street.  I wrote this rap about appendixes:

Yo, what up party people, this shout out is for  Nick Nechvolodoff

pull up a chair, kick up our your dogs, why don't you take a load off?

When it comes to rapping about organs

Words are a guitar and I am Jimi HendrixAll for your finger-like organ called your appendix.Rhymes flying so fast that I picked up some paper and I penned this.like a wordsmith Lothario, here's hoping that you can mend this.Yeah, you know that's the worstwhen that thing's about to burstIt hurts more than the rise of Fred Durst(whose music is cursed with a curse).Then the surgeon makes that cut, a small two-inch incisionbetter hope that he's cuttin' with precision.Because where he's slicing is just north of the dickens.And you want to make sure that he is leaving you with more than just slim-pickens.Yeah your appendix is straight out of the duodenum, that organs' so stealth that you never seen him.Now listen up son, 'cause my rhymes gettin' hecticbetter cut out that thing, before it all goes septic.
Yo, I'm out(like your appendix)

I think I will quit my job and become a RAPPIST!!!!

 (like your temperature when you have Appendicitis)

Where you were then? Where are you now?

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I had a loose sock hanging from my ankle, and I was wearing a bathrobe, when a friend of a friend came into our apartment and told us what was happening.  Remember, it wasn't just one thing, first there was one plane, then another plane, and we watched people jump, and then the towers came down. But before they did there was this empty terror, this feeling of hopelessness that these people, our people could do nothing.

Then that whole day, we all wandered about trying to do something, I remember everyone at my work wandered over to the Hospital to donate blood. Blood that wouldn't go to anyone in New York, blood that probably went to new infants and victims of motorcycle accidents. But we had to do something. So we gave our blood, even if in small, measured amounts.  In the next days people sent donations via text messaging, and built impromptu memorials. And for a few days it seemed like we all shared something, we were a grieving nation and we mourned together. I didn't know a single soul in those airplanes, or any of those buildings, yet it was my family that was hurting.

When Nathan Hale said "I regret that I have but one life to give to my country" at his execution, it was September, The Declaration of Independence had been signed a mere 2 months earlier, and there wasn't even a constitution to defend (that would come almost 11 years later). But he was willing to fight, then die for a belief in a country, a nation, but really for an idea for a land better than what it was before.

So today, I wonder, what am I willing to give to my country. Am I only brave enough to argue in snippets from the safety of my home and office. Am I content that my prior service is enough. Those people in the towers didn't give their lives, it was taken. But there were a few in at least one of the planes, who fought, who worked together. People who didn't take polls or point fingers, they just moved in the only way they saw to protect others. They didn't even know whom they were protecting,

And in that one moment they did more for the security of our nation than all of the dollars spent on the  TSA in the last ten years. They showed us that without weapons, there are few forces as powerful as a handful of Americans united in a goal.

So today, I will spend a few minutes and think about what I can do. What little bit of blood I can give.
What we could do together, to make this country a little bit better. I think it is amazing for those who work for one candidate or another, who sacrifice tirelessly for a cause. I even like the passion of those who vehemently post on Facebook, but I hope we can remember that  if we want to build something greater, or save a country in peril, we need these fellow passengers on this plane. After all, aren't they who we are giving our life for?

Understanding the Mormons

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Hello, I am a mormon. As you may or may not know, we are having a "moment" right now. You have probably read some news articles about us, they are full of half truths and 3/4 truths and some are like .6 metric truths. Let me make one thing clear: All of us believe exactly the same thing. We are not ALL Republican, we still allow a few Libertarians in, and when Democrats aren't murdering babies, some even vote that way.

Here is a little history about my home town: It was founded by More Mons, there used to be just a few, but now there are More. That is where the name came from, We prefer to be called LDS (pronounced "ELLDS". If you meet a missionary it is his job to make you LDS, so he is and "ELDER"(as in: "That guy is really good at Elding, he made WAY more mons than you. He is a really great Elder"). We don't have female missionaries, because we don't believe in women. In fact I refuse to believe that they exist.

 We will be kind to you, and good neighbors, and help you move, JUST so you think we are good people. We want you to like us.

I know what you are thinking, "Don't Mormons have horns?" I want to let you know that we got rid of those YEARS ago. You may also think, "Don't Mormons have lots of wives", well some of us don't even have one, so back off, I don't really need that pressure right now.

So here are some facts about Mormons: All Mormons live in Utah (pronounced YOU-ta" because we want YOU in it).  We used to pronounce it "Uh-tah" but that just convinced you heathens that we were as dumb as you thought we were. I am kidding, we don't think of you as "heathens", we think of you as "gentiles" or "the Wicked" (Which isn't so bad because my people LOVE musicals).

 You will meet ELDS in almost all parts of life, Politics, ScienceTV (Philo T. Farnsworth invented the TV, and he was a Mormon. I include this fact because his name is awesome) We don't believe the world is flat, we know it. Our top scientists at major universities play along with everyone else until we take over (one day we are going to ELD you ALL).

My Hometown got its name from "The Great Salt Lake", They call it that because the pioneers were liars. The truth is, the lake is not that great. It is big, and it is stinky, but it is NOT great. In the early days we used to call the town "Far from Big Stinky", but that's only because "Big Heathen Pit City" gave people the wrong idea. I mean they though that the city was the heathen pit, when in fact, we would cast the lake was where we cast the heathens, and by "heathens" I mean "the UNELDED"

I know for a fact that the Pioneers were liars because they say that they walked all the way to Utah from Missouri (motto: Missouri Loves Company!) because there was an "Extermination Order" against them. You and I both know that can't be true. First, if you have ever driven through Nebraska you know it is WAY boring, I can barely drive through it, there is now way that the pioneers wouldn't have just gotten bored and stayed at the Best Western. Second, There is NO way that our country would ever allow discrimination against a group of people just because they believed differently, much less call for their "EXTERMINATION". If that's true, then you can convince me that there really is a guy named Philo T. Farnsworth.

Anyway, the full name of our Church is "The Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter-Day Saints". For us, the word "Saint" means that we are absolutely perfect and none of us ever makes mistakes, because "duh" we all believe the exact same thing.

Burritoship 1.5 stars

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Peter Berg did Friday Night Lights, which is pretty incredible in it's subtlety and story telling. It's SO good. So I guess as a film, he wanted to do something completely different.


Battleship, a summary 

Riggins is in a bar then he sees this totally hot chick who wants a burrito, but the microwave won't work, so he goes and steals a burrito. So his brother is like,'Why'd you steal the burrito, you better join the navy." So he joins the navy and gets to be the boss of the guns. They go to this ceremony on the Battleship and he is like "Destroyers are WAY better than battleships" to this kid, but there are also Japanese there to do a practice war. I forgot there was this soccer game between the navies and Japan won, but did a foul to Riggins. So then Riggins gets in a bathroom fight with this Japan guy, but they are like "Whoops I slipped" and the boss of the navy (who is also the hot chicks Dad), is like "You could be AMAZING, but instead you are not" Then they quote homer. Then the navies go to a practice war at Pearl Harbor (which seems like a good idea). But also, some scientists used a satellite to send a message to a space planet, and the ships from that space planet go to earth and go in the ocean. All the ships that is except the radio ship (only one ship can radio) which crashes at Hong Kong. They build a forceshield and all of the practice navies are outside of it except Riggins, his big brother who is making him do Navy, and The japanese guy who did a foul. Whenever they want to use their weapons on the aliens, the aliens can see them, but when they aren't using their guns, they turn green and the aliens don't kill them. Also, a little bit earlier Riggins brother says "Hey riggins, you are probably going to get fired from Navy". (he is a disappointment). The three destroyer ships all get destroyed (irony) except Rigginses ship. He wants vengence, HARD so he is like, "BLAST THEM" except every person on his crew, like Rihanna and Landry, disobeys him and says we need to rescue the people in the water. Then for some reason there is a alien in the ship, with weird thumbs, I think he is from Halo. Then other aliens blast in the ship to rescue him, but they also leave another alien there that is good at punching and changing his hands. Mostly he wants to punch the engine, but after some punching, they get him to come on deck. Then this big canon blows him away (literally). The aliens shoot pegs from the game "battleship" but the pegs blow up SO HARD that it can sink ships. Then there is some more battling where they use buoys to create a grid like the game battleship and they sink the aliens battleship (which is irony right there) so the Japan guy, who comes up with the idea takes over, which shows how riggins gets humility (finally), then Landry tries on the alien helmet and for some reason it makes him think of his lizard, and so they realize the aliens weakeness is sun. so they make the aliens look at the sun and blast them (HARD). But I forgot, also the scientists were on the island and have communication satellites and the hot chick is the only person who can stop the aliens from using the satellites, and her army friend with metal legs who is about to give up. But nope, he doesn't give up, he punches a alien right in his face and then chokes him out with his metal leg. Well the destroyer gets destroyed so the Japan guy is like, "We need a boat", so Riggins remembers the battleship (from the title). But everyone is like, how are we going to drive this boat? and Riggins is like "Old People", Then there are all of these old people in sailor outfits who know a thing or two. Then a montage from A-team happens. When they run out of battleship bullets (real big ones) the only people who can move them are the captain, the japan guy and some old people. Then the battleship does a rail slide (using it's anchor) and the alien can's defeat railslide. But then that trick is done, so I guess it's "game over" Except NOPE! The shield goes down, And some other stuff happens and they beat some of the aliens, maybe all of them. And then they all get awards, even Riggin's dead brother. Hot Chick's dad (Navy Boss) is proud of everyone. But can Riggins mary his daughter ('cause of all the herosim)? NO WAY JOSE! How about burritos?(laugh)

seriously.

THE END?

a little great and a little weird

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Last year was a weird year. I think I spent the year licking my wounds. I don't think I fully appreciated the profound effect that my mother's passing had on me. I think only recently have shaken the haze of mourning.

One of the things that I have tried to do is to give back, specifically with regards to Cancer. My mother spent the last few days of her life at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. There wasn't much they could do medically at that point, but they helped us get the most out of those last days. We had a large room where over 200 people visited her in her last days. The nurses moved her and kept her comfortable, but perhaps more importantly to me, they let me participate in her care.

Rewind a few years and you'd find me, a young lab tech, with no lab experience working at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. I worked in the lab of Diana Stafforini, a quick-witted, and insightful scientist. I think my sloppy lab work didn't help her much, but I gained some insight. So since then, I have jumped at the chance to do whatever I could to help the Huntsman Cancer Foundation raise money and awareness for cancer. They are a great foundation and spend the great bulk of any donation directly towards research. Here is the latest piece that I got to work on for them:

Appendectomy (Appendix Jokes cont...)

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My biggest concern with having my appendix removed is that from now on, I will have to rely entirely upon footnotes.


This joke is appropriate to tell to academics who are having an appendectomy. Like if you come back to the school, and people are concerned about someone who had their appendix removed, you can modify it.

Jeff is really concerned about his appendicitis. I told him not to worry about the due date on his dissertation, But he just said, "oh it's not that, If they remove my appendix, I will have to rely entirely upon my footnotes."

It would also be helpful if you have a snare drum and cymbal nearby (laugh track optional).

More important that Art

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Things that are more important than "Art" at the "Utah Art's Festival"

• The Navajo Taco
• Fried stuff at Airport prices
• Keeping that local vendor of Ethnic food alive for another year
• the Churro
• Public Beer
• lines
• Bands that can't get people to listen to their music on their own merits so they perform at festivals
• atm fees
• Crafts
• hemp necklaces
• Public sweating
• Stuff made out of things other than what the things were intended for
• Bikes
• lots of humans
• booths
• leather mugs
• People that you normally just see on the internet, but now you get to see in person, maybe
• complaining about stuff

Last comes the art.

a case for electronic books

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Books are wonderful things
full and covered with ink.
They smell like so much knowledge
and have such a weighty presence
indicating all the fabulous things
I have stuffed into my head
But the ink wears off on my fingers
and the pages
become brittle when you read them
over and over
and now the electronic words
don't impress you on my shelf
but the ink only wears off
in my head
and it is the words that I love
and not the representation
thereof

MOVIE IDEA II

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This team of young misfits gang up to use there super-powers to save the world, but also they have dry and scratchy skin. It's called

ECZEMA MEN.

coming soon!

One Year

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It was a year ago last week that I went home to see my Mom after he cancer recurred. I wanted to make something with her, so I had her teach me a TOP SECRET family recipe. If you are a member of a Dayton family, any Dayton family. You not only love the Chocolate Roll, you revere it, you speak of it in hushed tones. When your father eats it, he talks about how they only had it once a year, and the slice was so thin, you would spend the rest of the year thinking about it.

Here is one thing you probably didn't know about the Dayton Chocolate Roll, Grandma Lois Dayton invented it. I interviewed her once about it, and didn't get a chance to film it. She had a Better Homes and Gardens recipe, and if I recall she didn't have the cream cheese, so she took the recipe and made it her own.

Here is the thing about the Chocolate Roll, it has a number of secrets. The Cake needs to be cold and the chocolate sauce needs to be hot. The cream is unsweetened and the sauce is super-rich. It's essentially The Law of Opposition in a desert.

So one year later, I finished this video. The audio is rough and the image isn't great. I just shot in on my DSL with no microphone. But this is precious to me. In the year since we made this, not only did my Mother pass away (as many of you know), but my Grandmother, the inventor of this recipe, did as well. So I post this in honor of some of the great women in my life.

movie idea: THE HANDS

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I hope you are not tired of Mormon movies, because I got a thriller for you.

There is this incredible Relief Society group, and they seem like average women, with your normal foibles and weaknesses (like gossipiness, judgementalness and soft arms) but they are really great at preparing meals for ward activities. Then one of them, let's say Marjeen, discovers that she has super strength in her hands, and this other one can shoot fire from her hands (that's Linda), and another one can knit super-fast , let's call her Busy (short for Elizabeth, but she is also a busybody). 

So it turns out that they got the super powers because at all of the ward dinners, they always blessed "the hands that prepared this meal." (Nancy did get any powers because she showed up, but she would just stand around and "supervise" because she was a counselor in the relief society presidency, and her hands didn't do anything)

Later, there is a bus accident that kills them all, but their hands come out of the graves to do deeds because they are so blessed.

The movie is a tragicomedy, but you also learn a lesson because Nancy dies anyways and her hands can't do deeds or anything. Service is about more than just supervising <-------That's the moral of the tale.

I think my Mom would be embarrassed that I wrote this story, but it is based on true events.

INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY

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Does anybody want to invest in my new restaurant: Murray Calendars?

We sell delicious pies and every order comes with a free calendar with pictures of historic Murray on it. "Come for the pie, stay for the calendar (year)".

We are only in Murray (I mean would you ever consider eating at Midvale Calendars?)

Observations from the future

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I wonder if my friends over at the time travel blog noticed this:

Remember when Bill and Ted (from the past of 1989) traveled to the future and met these wise judges who decide everything?

But then remember how now we are their future and there is this show called ANTM with wise judges who decides everything*:

But then also remember far in the past there was a wise woman who could answer your question, but she was also a puppet?

but then there was also an angel that answered your questions.

I guess what I am saying that it's not that truth is stranger than fiction, it's that they are the SAME THING!!!!

*Well at least one of them is on ANTM, the other is the devil wearing Prada.

Appendix Jokes: a Limmerick?

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As many of you know, I am a HUGE fan of Ogden Nash. Also, I am a fan of appendix jokes.  So you can imagine how surprised (and pleased) I was to find this, 


THE GREATEST LIMERICK ABOUT APPENDIX REMOVAL OF ALL TIME(S)
but which he sadly titled:

UNTITLED POEM


Asked a patient before appendectomy
"What kind of fee d'you expectomy?"
Said the doc, "If your pulse
Indicates the results,
Anything but a post-dated checktomy."




Many of you (my fans) come here for appendix jokes. This is a far better thing, for an Ogden Nash poem is a thing of gold. So in his honor I have written a poem.


Ogden was a poet  for the man on the streets.
If he was on twitter I'd follow his tweets.
He could take words and twist them and bend them.
If he was on Facebook, I'm sure I would friend him. 




thank you.

Holy Ground

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My Grandmother passed away last night. She had just turned 101, and was still surprisingly sharp. Her hearing had mostly gone, she couldn't stand on her own, but she could still smile weakly and offer words of wisdom. Most of our conversations lately revolved around how she wanted me to be happy.

I remember a time when I went to LDS General Conference with her. Elder Richard G. Scott, on of the 12 apostles and most senior leaders in my church saw us sitting together and came up to us. He spoke briefly to my grandmother and then turned to me. He said, "I want you to know that I have stayed and your grandmother's house, and because of that I can say that I have slept on Holy Ground." I can think of no finer compliment to pay her, no more apt description of her character, and no grander accomplishment than that. Here a servant of the Lord, a man that I honor as a special witness for Christ, who has traveled the world and sat in sacred ceremony as deep matters of doctrine and church policy was discussed and yet he noticed that the humble home of this fine woman was Holy Ground. Being around her, I just felt loved.

If you knew my Grandmother, Lois Dayton, you probably felt this too. You have felt welcome in her home, you have felt her reverence for love and beauty and for her faith and Savior. My Grandmother was not a very complex woman, but how deep was her simplicity.

So deep that the ground soaked up the simple goodness around her. She wasn't the greatest piano player, but there was always music in her home. She wasn't necessarily the most elegant entertainer, but always a warm hostess. You could probably count the number of times her front door was actually locked. Whether I showed up for a planned visit, or simply stopped by passing through I was met without pomp but with an open door and an offer of whatever was in the fridge. My grandmother came from a place where "storebought" was almost a cuss word and usually followed an apology. "Can I make you a sandwich, I'm sorry all I have is storebought bread". She always offered what she had and never made a big deal of the meagerness of the offering nor the overabundance. Her offers were always simply just that, an offer. There was no pretext, nor expectation.

It's possible for a person to have a bad word to say about Grandma, but you'd have to try pretty hard, and it would probably tell me more about that person than it would about Grandma. She left literally hundreds of progeny behind her, each one recognize their best and most kind traits have roots that stretch back to that holy ground in Cokeville in a little rambler whose door was always open.

Creativity, in brief(s)

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I know, I wrote about my creative process before, but I think it was a bit long. This time, I am writing it in my briefs, so that my "creative process, in brief" can really ring true.

Here it is again:

1) INCEPTION-Define the problem

-Brainstorm the problem

-Simplify the problem

-find your special purpose

-write down initial impressions

-allow inspiration to strike

2)INGESTION-Swallow the problem whole

-study it out

-Stare intensely at the problem

-read a bunch of stuff.

-look at a bunch of stuff

-talk to interesting people

-ABI "Always Be Ingesting"

-allow inspiration to strike

-Brainstorm, reject nothing

3)INCUBATION -Let it simmer

-meander

-wander

-doodle

-put it off

-Hey, what's that over there?

-take a nap

-wake up

-allow inspiration to strike

-write it down

-THIS IS WHERE INSPIRATION MOST OFTEN STRIKES ME

4)CULTIVATION -Reject bad ideas, make good ideas better

-get finicky

-be merciless

-be critical

-workshop it

-check materials

-solve problems

-check your spelling

-identify potential excuses, realize that you can't apologize for it later and solve the problem NOW.

5)PRESENTATION-Narrow the gap between what you intend to do and what you actually will do

-trust the process

-don't allow for excuses

-assume success but be willing to modify

-do it right the first time.

-allow it to be the jumping off point for the next thing.

I think if you see these key stages to the creative process when you work with people you can identify where you are in the process, and what kind of feedback and input is important. The harsh criticism of the CULTIVATION stage is essential, but unwelcome during the INGESTION phase. The point isn't the rigidity. It's that it gives you a common language to deal with creative issues. To work in a corporate structure and still have the assets you need to do your best creative work.

Additionally you can be working on a project, get all the way to the end and say, "We need to rework this, but we only need to take it back to CULTIVATION not INCEPTION", though sometimes the only way for a Phoenix to be reborn is to burn it down to the ashes.

I realized that my post on the creative process was hastily thrown together and a lot to bite off. It needs some "cultivation" if you will (even if you won't). If anyone has a creative problem that they would like to apply this process to, I'd love to hear how it turns out.

"Ad Madness" or "Why I learned that everything that is wrong with MARKETING by watching cheerleaders during March Madness.

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I work AROUND advertising, but not IN it. It's something I think about a lot and here are some thoughts I've had recently.

If you've never been to a March Madness game, it's a different sort of beast. In the early rounds there are a few fans from each team, then a lot of interested locals there to watch some "sports history". Also, there are a lot more timeouts (for commercial breaks and score updates).

During the long breaks, each teams cheerleaders take the floor for about 3 minutes. They hoot and jump up and down and do lifts and backflips, and no one listens. No one, except the other cheerleaders. After watching a few sessions it was more and more clear that the only one watching the cheerleaders were the other cheerleaders, and that is mostly who they were trying to impress, what with the backflips, back-handsprings and human towers. (you know "cheersport")

Now, I am no historian, but I can imagine how the first cheerleaders got their start. The fans were watching sports and there was a lot of yelling going on, some in support of the team, some against the other team, and a few things about the ref's mother. Someone at the school had a bright idea. What if we could get everyone to yell in unison for our school (0ur brand)? Let's give them giant card-board cones and call them "megaphones! That probably worked for a while, and when people started ignoring the cheerleaders again and watching the game, they added cute girls, then made them do flips.

Fast forward back to the game. As soon as the time out was over, the cheerleaders would sit down, pompoms in laps, and that guy would start yelling. You know that guy. The one with his face painted and the viking hat. He was the guy who understood the game well enough to get everyone on there feet to make some noise on defense. He harassed the ref appropriately and said hilarious an inappropriate things that the school couldn't put on banners. And I realized that this arena was the perfect microcosm of what is happening in Marketing/advertising/social media.

Your product is the team on the court.

The Cheerleaders is your advertising

that Guy is your key consumer (the superfan or maven)

the arena is full of disinterested consumers.

Advertisers are doing backflips and building human towers, Sure they are shouting your message at the crowd, but the crowd just wants the product. You can yell at them all you want, but if the product isn't good they will walk out and get nachos. You can give the superfan a bigger megaphone, and make him part of the cheer squad, but then you have just neutered your strongest voice.

So what's a company to do?

I think the answer is both simple and complex. Complex because I don't think it is obvious. Simple because it relies on a brand doing what it is already doing but doing it better, and getting out of the way of the consumer.

So here is my solution in a nutshell. Focus on your game, whatever it is, make it the best, most unique one in town. Hear to your fans, you don't let them coach you don't obey them, but you listen to them and find out what they love about your brand. That guy, put him behind the hoop on the other end of the court; let him be. Take care of the alumni but give, the new fans, give them the best experience, let them learn from that guy what the game is all about. Give them a great experience and a voice to share it with. (at Professional Wrestling matches they will often have free poster board and markers, we can learn something from Hulk Hogan).

Okay, you can keep the cheerleaders, but mostly get them out of the way of the game. Choose cheerleaders that are fans or at the very least make sure that they understand the game well enough to shout "D-FENCE" when the other team has the ball.

What does all that mean? well I am not going to tell you everything.

at least not yet.

Inspiration in 5 easy (grueling) steps

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So I have noticed that this "Creativity" thing can be a wily beast. One writer described writing as "the process where you stare at a blank screen until your eyes bleed". Creating something form nothing can be hard and tedious, but it should be fun, and I think it is incredibly fulfilling. Coming up with a system has helped me tame the wild beast (at least a little). This process can be done in a few hours or over a few months. You may use it for a BIG challenge then use it in a small way for all the little challenges in between. You can even do it in the course of one meeting, as long as you break up the steps and know when it is time to move from one to the next.

To be productive creativity needs DIRECTION, but to be successful it needs INSPIRATION. notice that INSPIRATION is not a step, it will come at any time and anyplace, usually between steps 2 and 4. It is necessary but It really needs both sides of your brain, it needs different types of thinkers. I'd like to tell you that I have developed a system that works, but I have kind of worked backwards from successful creative endeavors to find that they all have some level of each of these steps. I think that inspiration can strike at anyone one of these steps, so keep a notebook with you, there is nothing more precious than a genius idea lost in time (well except gold, or babies, or golden babies). I find that I use this process when I write, when I direct, when I edit, when I do math (seriously) when I build campaigns and help companies rebrand, and even when I teach Sunday School (yup)

My steps for creativity:

INCEPTION

INGESTION

INCUBATION

CULTIVATION

PRESENTATION

1) INCEPTION: See how I used a popular movie title to get you interested. Really I just wanted a fancy word for "GET STARTED" but this is also really important to clearly decide on what your end goal is. If your goal is "write a commercial" you might get a really funny commercial out of it, but if you later realize that your goal is to "get consumers to go into a store a buy a product" you may have missed the boat. Write this goal down somewhere, let it simmer, and maybe even try to purify it a little bit. There is a difference between "inform someone about what a product can do" and "inspire someone to understand why they need a product". I think all types of creativity rely on truth to gain power, and if you are true in your goal, and truthful in your storytelling and art making it will have more power. I think that telling someone to buy something that they don't need is sleazy, helping someone buy something that could make their life better can be rewarding. If you jump to brainstorming without defining your goal you can head down some paths that you will fall in love with, but that won't get you anywhere. (write those ideas down anyway). Always write down first impressions I have this process, but sometimes my first impression is still make it through to the end is some form, the process makes them better and builds on them.

2)INGESTION "Matter can neither be created nor destroyed". Fortunately for me, both my scientific leanings and religious beliefs teach this same thing. To create something you need stuff. Creative stuff, memories, influences, beauty art, ideas. Think of a monster eating everything in it's path. During the INGESTION phase, I study the problem and try to read related things, unrelated things, look up stuff on the internet, wander around, doodle a lot, listen to music. You can only do this so long, but this is where you need to get the basic building blocks of your creativity. If I am teaching Sunday School, this is where I try to read everything I can about the subject, scripture, talks, even Wikipedia (wikipedia is GREAT for ingestion, but also a bit of a rabbit hole), this is a good time for some PRE brainstorming. People talk about brainstorming, and I think by itself, it's mostly useless. But as part of something else it is VERY helpful. During ingestion come up with ideas, build on other ones, give your first impressions.but don't throw something out. You can move on, but this has got to be a positive experience. Swallow as much as you can, because you don't know what is going to end up fitting together later. This is a good time for writing stuff down on napkins and post its because it's not precious but it is valuable.

Another thing. during this process, whether it is a group brainstorm or your private hunt. Don't worry about ideas that don't work or that you hate. Focus on things you love. If you throw out everything that you hate, you will come up with something that everybody doesn't hate, but that doesn't mean it will be something that anybody loves. Eliminate this phrase "Well the problem with that is..." This is not the time to ask questionsWe are creative, we solve problems. If it's worth loving then we can solve the problem later (we will get to that during "Cultivation"). It is worth mentioning that you can push ideas, but when pushing an idea, don't think you are making the idea "better" you are offering another option, keep the original too.

You know that moment after you are done laughing and you sigh, and you know that the last part of the joke has left your system? (but you wish you were still laughing). It's important to note that you can't revisit that laugh, that it is time to move on. Brainstorming and Ingestion is work, but it can be fun once you get going, but learn to recognize when it's time to move on.

3) Incubation Incubation is the lazy part of Creativity. I usually say "Let's let this simmer for a bit" but it is SO important. This is usually where inspiration strikes, where you come of with at few "workable ideas" and maybe a few actually "good" ideas. I think it was T. H. White who suggested that writing is like hunting, and you spend days waiting for the right words to come along. Creativity needs some space to wander, don't expect a solution to come out of a brainstorm, expect some GOOD ideas to come out of a brainstorm, but the solutions will expand on those ideas.

Some of my best ideas come from that moment between waking and sleeping, many come in the shower. Even if I am giving a 5 minute speech I make sure to take a nap between studying it and writing it. This is where sleep is important for me. I have a good nap couch in my office. I don't care if my co workers think I am being lazy, I know what my creativity needs, and it doesn't need to make them think I am working. I heard that Napoleon took short naps before battle. I spoke with a former executive who is working late into his retirement who told me he takes a 30 minute nap every day. His secretary calls him at one. I delicately asked him if it was because he was older now, and he said, I wished I would have discovered it earlier in his career. I spend my afternoons fighting distraction and ineffectiveness. Naps give you TWO sleeping/waking periods each day. (and those are the MOST important periods of each day)

I also believe in the power of procrastination. Nothing like the stress of a deadline to bring your mind into a lazerlike focus. and that means you need to give yourself a timeline to incubate to let the nascent ideas simmer. INCEPT and INGEST early so you will have time to wander for in those walks will inspiration most often strike. If you put off the incpetion or ingestion phase too long you won't have the time to wander, and worse you will come up with a great idea and not have time to make it right. which lead me to the next step.

4) CULTIVATION By now you should have something to work with a bunch of ideas that you like or love. Now is where you get pragmatic. This is where you invite that naysayer from the brainstorm session in who starts saying "the problem with that..." so you can start finding solution. This is where you make your good idea great. This is where you take your shrub of an idea and make it into a topiary elephant. There are steps to this as well, but I will keep it relatively brief.

To cultivate a garden you need to weed it. This is the stage where you can discard ideas that are great, but just don't work. In fact you need to throw out beautiful ideas so the other ideas can grow here. Go back to your INCEPTION your big purpose. Now take your musing and see how well they point back to that. Can they be modified to make them work better? This is where you work the ideas out, you solve problems, ask questions. You have to trim the fat.

What is the fat? It is the stuff that gets in the way of the idea WORKING. It might be the baggage that makes the idea look the SAME as other people stuff. You have to ask, how can we make it different. One of my brothers (who is one of the most creative guys I know) says that he always takes his idea and says "Okay, now how can I take this idea and make it one step away from normal, how can I take it one step away from what you expect". He takes a good idea and makes it into a new idea, makes the idea do more than one thing. This is important.

I think there is also an important part of this that I will call DISTILATION. You don't just cut away stuff, you get to the core of it, it's essence. the thing that makes the idea good and you make sure there is lots of it and it is concentrated. This is where you polish the idea, you make it more than an idea, you make it work. When you are done here, you don't just have an idea or ideas. You have something or somethings to show. This is where practice is applicable. This is where you make minor adjustments, but don't change anything major.

5) Presentation Whether you are speaking to a group, pitching a client, making a commercial, or just writing a story. You must present it to an audience. In art there is always a gap between what you intended to do, and what you did. This is where you work hard to narrow that gap. Focus on your original goal and the distilled idea when you present the something. Believe it in, know that it works, and make it effortless. When you present have confidence because your audience has no idea how much blood sweat and tears when into your end product and they should be. If you want to wow someone with a backflip you pretend like it is no big thing

So how about you? Do you do something similar? Do you have a system? Do you think I am missing anything? Let me know. I am always looking for ways to cultivate my existing system.