Mathematics Et Cetera: Pechrifyd
I got to be in this little music video as a sad clown. It was done in some spare time a week or so ago.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
PEN PALS!!!
So I guess I have a new pen pal. I got this letter from Mrs. Elizabeth Coleman. She seems like a sensible sort:
Dear Mrs. Coleman,
I was very suprice to get your letter. I now that sometimes these letter is not true, so please send me a picture of you and your son so I know that this letter is true. Please in your picture, be eating waffles, so I know that you take the picture for me and not from the internet.
These times are difficult in Affrica, what is it like there? do you have servants?
I talked to my bank and they said my bank account is biggest enough to hold your money. Please send pictures and money soon!
also, do I get a chocolate for helping in this adventure.
Sincerlely,
Mister Jamison Concorde
I hope she don't mind that I used someone elses real name instead of my own.
GOOD DAY,
It may come suprice of receiving this my letter but
dont be suprice i need a help from you,
I am Mrs.Elizabeth Coleman from Ivory Coast. I am a
widow being that I lost my husband a couple of months
ago. My husband was a serving director of the Cocoa
exporting board until his death.
He was assassinated last january by the rebels
following the political uprising. Before his death he
had an account here in Cote d, Ivoire up to the
tune of $7.5m (SEVEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND
UNITED STATE DOLLAR) which he told the bank was for
the importation of cocoa processing machine.
I want you to do me a favour to receive this funds to
a safe account in your country or any safer place as
the beneficiary. I have plans to do investment in your
country, like real estate and industrial production.
This is my reason for writing to you. Please if you
are willing to assist me and my only son Franck,
indicate your interest in replying soonest.
N/B note that all the necessary document use in
deposit are with me and also asurering you that there
is100%risk free in this transaction.
PLEASE KINDLY REPLY ME WITH THIS MY DIRECT
EMAIL(eliz_coleman2002@yahoo.fr)
Thanks and best regards
Mrs.Elizabeth Coleman
Okay Mrs. Coleman, I am in. This is how I replied:
Dear Mrs. Coleman,
I was very suprice to get your letter. I now that sometimes these letter is not true, so please send me a picture of you and your son so I know that this letter is true. Please in your picture, be eating waffles, so I know that you take the picture for me and not from the internet.
These times are difficult in Affrica, what is it like there? do you have servants?
I talked to my bank and they said my bank account is biggest enough to hold your money. Please send pictures and money soon!
also, do I get a chocolate for helping in this adventure.
Sincerlely,
Mister Jamison Concorde
I hope she don't mind that I used someone elses real name instead of my own.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Tragedy: The Internet
Statistics don't lie. Sure they embelish, but they don't lie. Do you know what statistics are saying RIGHT NOW! If you you listen closely you can hear their tiny tinny voices telling us that the two most common uses of the internet are for 1. pornography and 2. geneology. This is a tragedy.
To some, this tragedy is obvious, but to me it is such a sad image. You see if you are doing one of the most common things on the internet you are bound to run into the other. I imagine a kind old pornographer stumbling on an errant geneology email and now he fritters away the waning hours of his perverted little life trying to create family trees.
so tragic.
To some, this tragedy is obvious, but to me it is such a sad image. You see if you are doing one of the most common things on the internet you are bound to run into the other. I imagine a kind old pornographer stumbling on an errant geneology email and now he fritters away the waning hours of his perverted little life trying to create family trees.
so tragic.
Monday, October 02, 2006
New Television Programming
Here is a pretty good idea for a TV show:
You take a wayward celebrity, like maybe Paris Hilton, and with the help of some of his friends (accomplices) you "set them up" like they are going on a hike or something up the mountain. When they go up hiking though, they stop to take a break and people start pulling out notepads and radios and then they all start listening to LDS General conference.
Later, at her baptism, Ryan Gosling or maybe Ricky Schroder* comes in wearing a wayward baseball cap, and they are all: "You just got Church'd!" And then Paris gets all upset and then flips off the camera (but with the fake birdie finger, 'cause in the third discussion she learned that the real birdie is a sin).
I think this could be a big hit. I also have to give someone else partial credit for the idea. If this show "hits" I will give them a "from an idea by" credit.
*we can work out the specific casting details later, but whoever it is, they will have to wear a wayward baseball cap.
You take a wayward celebrity, like maybe Paris Hilton, and with the help of some of his friends (accomplices) you "set them up" like they are going on a hike or something up the mountain. When they go up hiking though, they stop to take a break and people start pulling out notepads and radios and then they all start listening to LDS General conference.
Later, at her baptism, Ryan Gosling or maybe Ricky Schroder* comes in wearing a wayward baseball cap, and they are all: "You just got Church'd!" And then Paris gets all upset and then flips off the camera (but with the fake birdie finger, 'cause in the third discussion she learned that the real birdie is a sin).
I think this could be a big hit. I also have to give someone else partial credit for the idea. If this show "hits" I will give them a "from an idea by" credit.
*we can work out the specific casting details later, but whoever it is, they will have to wear a wayward baseball cap.
Monday, September 25, 2006
it's been a while
I know there are literally two of you out there who have wondered where I have been, or have not cared where I have been, but wished that I would write something so they could burn 1.8 minutes* on this page instead of working.
But here is the thing. I often don't have much to say.
Also, sometimes I wonder if it is "okay". Fortunately for that last post I don't know anyone who survived or died that one day. Sometimes I have a joke about church stuff, but then I think about reverence.
So I have adopted a new philosophy. If I am worried about whether or not a joke is reverent enough, I will type it silently with my arms folded. there, solves everything.
Anybody know something funny?
*the average
But here is the thing. I often don't have much to say.
Also, sometimes I wonder if it is "okay". Fortunately for that last post I don't know anyone who survived or died that one day. Sometimes I have a joke about church stuff, but then I think about reverence.
So I have adopted a new philosophy. If I am worried about whether or not a joke is reverent enough, I will type it silently with my arms folded. there, solves everything.
Anybody know something funny?
*the average
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
Welcome to Havanna
This weekend I saw Cuba Gooding Jr. He was in Salt Lake at the Greek Festival. My friends were all, "take a picture." But I didn't.
I guess I am just not that excited about seeing Jeremy McGuire.
I guess I am just not that excited about seeing Jeremy McGuire.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Knee Fight
So I was on "LDSlinkup" the other day. You know one of those networking places where you can keep in touch with old friends from wards and such. That place has loads of mormons on it.
So anyway, I got a "quicknote" from a guy named KneeFight3 that simply said, "Get your home storage ready". I thought this was kind of funny so I tried to find his account and add him "as friend" but when I did a search it said "user not found". So basically he vanished.
I just wanted to share this story because it proves that even over the internet, the church is true.
So anyway, I got a "quicknote" from a guy named KneeFight3 that simply said, "Get your home storage ready". I thought this was kind of funny so I tried to find his account and add him "as friend" but when I did a search it said "user not found". So basically he vanished.
I just wanted to share this story because it proves that even over the internet, the church is true.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Goal
I don't want this to be a blog that people pass on their way to other blogs. I don't want this to be a blog where they get links for all the other hot blogs.
I am thinking, this is more of a "destination blog".
Now I just need to figure out how to serve Pina Coladas over the internet.
I am thinking, this is more of a "destination blog".
Now I just need to figure out how to serve Pina Coladas over the internet.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Technical difficulties
Sorry I haven't written to this eJournal for a bit. I have been in Indonesia. I would like to write something right now, but I am having a hard time thinking of good jokes about nations whose populations were decimated by tsunamis.
Do you know any?
Do you know any?
Friday, August 11, 2006
Hello, a lot of you don't know me, my name is Damian, and I am new in this ward.
When the bishop called and asked me to give a talk this week on the 12 article of faith, my first thought was "good, he doesn't want me to do the long article of faith." but then I read it, and my second through seventh thoughts were a bunch of swears. So today, I am going to talk about swears.
"We believe in not saying swears or bad swears."
Websters dictionary defines swears as "Bad swears that you swear at people." President Kimbal once said, "Swears are the evidence of a weak mind trying to express itself swearfully."
I think we shouldn't say bad swears. Some swears aren't bad swears and we probably shouldn't say those swears either, like bastardize, bitchin' and masturbatory. Once a mission companion of mine said that you know you shouldn't say a word if you can't imagine a apostle saying that word. But then I said to him what about the word "Boi oi oi oing". I can't imagine Elder Packard saying that word, but I don't think it is a swear, not even a week swear.
Some times when you read the scriptures you will see swears. These are called Bible swears. It is okay when you read them, but if you read them outloud you will be forgiven only if you get uncomfortable that everyone else in the sunday school class thinks that you are "used to that sort of thing."
Even when you don't say bad swears you should not hear or listen to bad swears in rock and roll or rap. When people say a swear, you shouldn't say anything to them (unless you are there mother). A good way to let people know that they are saying swears is to look at them like they just put a little poop in your brownie. Being dissapointed in people is also a good way to not let swears into your life.
Swears are a bad thing. Sometimes when we say a swear it feels good in our mouth, but that is not Happiness, it is only pleasure. Some people think it is okay to say a swear if you mix it with other words. If you need to say mean things to people you don't need to use swears to say it. You can call them names (like what animals that they look like), point out how unattractive they are, or tell them that you will prolly be a general authority some day. also, if you use a swear in your blog your father or father in law will prolly be disappointed in you. So don't.
Remember that swears don't make you tough, they just make you sweary.
I know that if we learn to not say swears or bad swears and only use bible swears in class and not when people cut us off we will be better people.
Amen.
P.S. Dad, I never really say swears.
When the bishop called and asked me to give a talk this week on the 12 article of faith, my first thought was "good, he doesn't want me to do the long article of faith." but then I read it, and my second through seventh thoughts were a bunch of swears. So today, I am going to talk about swears.
"We believe in not saying swears or bad swears."
Websters dictionary defines swears as "Bad swears that you swear at people." President Kimbal once said, "Swears are the evidence of a weak mind trying to express itself swearfully."
I think we shouldn't say bad swears. Some swears aren't bad swears and we probably shouldn't say those swears either, like bastardize, bitchin' and masturbatory. Once a mission companion of mine said that you know you shouldn't say a word if you can't imagine a apostle saying that word. But then I said to him what about the word "Boi oi oi oing". I can't imagine Elder Packard saying that word, but I don't think it is a swear, not even a week swear.
Some times when you read the scriptures you will see swears. These are called Bible swears. It is okay when you read them, but if you read them outloud you will be forgiven only if you get uncomfortable that everyone else in the sunday school class thinks that you are "used to that sort of thing."
Even when you don't say bad swears you should not hear or listen to bad swears in rock and roll or rap. When people say a swear, you shouldn't say anything to them (unless you are there mother). A good way to let people know that they are saying swears is to look at them like they just put a little poop in your brownie. Being dissapointed in people is also a good way to not let swears into your life.
Swears are a bad thing. Sometimes when we say a swear it feels good in our mouth, but that is not Happiness, it is only pleasure. Some people think it is okay to say a swear if you mix it with other words. If you need to say mean things to people you don't need to use swears to say it. You can call them names (like what animals that they look like), point out how unattractive they are, or tell them that you will prolly be a general authority some day. also, if you use a swear in your blog your father or father in law will prolly be disappointed in you. So don't.
Remember that swears don't make you tough, they just make you sweary.
I know that if we learn to not say swears or bad swears and only use bible swears in class and not when people cut us off we will be better people.
Amen.
P.S. Dad, I never really say swears.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Journal(ism) now in cinemascope
This blog is not about me,
it is about my ability to make bad jokes. But sometimes this desire to make jokes collides with the real world. Not this real world:
but the real real world. A world where we struggle for life and leisure and desparately try to figure out who is the boss of whom.
So the other weekend I bought a camera, and the other other weekend (the more recent of the two), some friends got together.
not these friends:
These Friends
and also these friends
and we packed up in a large gas swilling vehicle and went to visit Mona.
not this Mona:
this Mona:
(I'm sorry, the other mona was a bit of a stretch)
So we had a pretty good time
we actually had a great time
who am I kidding, it was nigh on a religious experience it was so good!
Some people might tell you different (that it was only the best thing of the summer instead of the best thing of a lifetime). But don't trust people with bad hair lakes.
anyway, by the time the swamp thing showed up, it was about time to go
So went to find someplace to eat.
We first saw this place
but we decided to eat someplace else
Actually we didn't even eat at that someplace else, we ate at this someplace else
and the food was delicious and greasy
I know what you are thinking: "Oh dear!" They had SO much fun.
Oh deer is right!
Who's the boss now?
it is about my ability to make bad jokes. But sometimes this desire to make jokes collides with the real world. Not this real world:
but the real real world. A world where we struggle for life and leisure and desparately try to figure out who is the boss of whom.
So the other weekend I bought a camera, and the other other weekend (the more recent of the two), some friends got together.
not these friends:
These Friends
and also these friends
and we packed up in a large gas swilling vehicle and went to visit Mona.
not this Mona:
this Mona:
(I'm sorry, the other mona was a bit of a stretch)
So we had a pretty good time
we actually had a great time
who am I kidding, it was nigh on a religious experience it was so good!
Some people might tell you different (that it was only the best thing of the summer instead of the best thing of a lifetime). But don't trust people with bad hair lakes.
anyway, by the time the swamp thing showed up, it was about time to go
So went to find someplace to eat.
We first saw this place
but we decided to eat someplace else
Actually we didn't even eat at that someplace else, we ate at this someplace else
and the food was delicious and greasy
I know what you are thinking: "Oh dear!" They had SO much fun.
Oh deer is right!
Who's the boss now?
Monday, July 31, 2006
a short joke
LITTLE PEOPLE "humor"
Okay, I don't think that little people should be an object of ridicule. They are normal people who happen to be short, but I have an acquaintance who is a little person. I would say he is a friend, as we are friendly, but we don't go out for shakes on the weekend or anything. So I don't want to be one of those people who say "I have a friend who is black/gay/werewolf" and then say a racist joke.
This is based on a true story.
So anyway, I was speaking to him about the term "Midg@t", asking him if that is an acceptable term. To which his reply was, "No for us (meaning "our people") the term "M!dget" is like the word "N!#&$"".
So I want to be careful with this tidbit of knowledge. But then I find out about "little people" conventions, and I wonder if they are walking around the convention hall all "Whassup my M!dgets!?" and, "M!dget what!" "M!dget please!" and slapping high* fives with their little fingers?
I've gone to far, haven't I?
So anyway, now you know what it is like to spend any amount of time with me. I am a lame-humored anti-midgite (I am not really an anti midgite, I really do love their people, they are so good with chocolate).
I hope nobody ever reads this forevermore.
*not that "high"
Okay, I don't think that little people should be an object of ridicule. They are normal people who happen to be short, but I have an acquaintance who is a little person. I would say he is a friend, as we are friendly, but we don't go out for shakes on the weekend or anything. So I don't want to be one of those people who say "I have a friend who is black/gay/werewolf" and then say a racist joke.
This is based on a true story.
So anyway, I was speaking to him about the term "Midg@t", asking him if that is an acceptable term. To which his reply was, "No for us (meaning "our people") the term "M!dget" is like the word "N!#&$"".
So I want to be careful with this tidbit of knowledge. But then I find out about "little people" conventions, and I wonder if they are walking around the convention hall all "Whassup my M!dgets!?" and, "M!dget what!" "M!dget please!" and slapping high* fives with their little fingers?
I've gone to far, haven't I?
So anyway, now you know what it is like to spend any amount of time with me. I am a lame-humored anti-midgite (I am not really an anti midgite, I really do love their people, they are so good with chocolate).
I hope nobody ever reads this forevermore.
*not that "high"
NEW POST NEW POST
I hate it when you are bored and looking for something to do (always) so you check the blog circuit and they all say the same thing they said five minutes ago.
But I have decided that I won't fall victim to my adoring public (both of you).
No siree, no way José*, I just won't do it.
*Did I ever tell you about the time that I met José Conseco and I got to see him in nothing but his unders and a tank top and he walked right over to a platter full of deli meats and just ate them by the pinchful? I should tell you about it sometime.
But I have decided that I won't fall victim to my adoring public (both of you).
No siree, no way José*, I just won't do it.
*Did I ever tell you about the time that I met José Conseco and I got to see him in nothing but his unders and a tank top and he walked right over to a platter full of deli meats and just ate them by the pinchful? I should tell you about it sometime.
Friday, July 21, 2006
**MOVIES**
I have an idea about a movie.
This movie will star Steve Guttenberg and it will be about back when he was at the top of his career. Then along came "Three Men and a Little Lady" and on his break he would play one on one on one basketball with his costars. Ted Danson would always stuff him and do mad layups over hisself and made him feel bad. So anyway, this guy disappears off of the radar for a few moments and works really hard on basketball. He realizes, due in part to his size, that he will never be an offensive force, so he develops a new style of defense (I don't want to ruin the ending, but suffice it to say, it involves a lot of "hustling").
He uses his new "style" to coach a ragtag bunch of youngsters (one kid says the most inappropriate things) to the district championship, also he learns how to read.
the name of the movie:
The Guttenberg Press
(I apologize that it took SO long to set up that joke).
This movie will star Steve Guttenberg and it will be about back when he was at the top of his career. Then along came "Three Men and a Little Lady" and on his break he would play one on one on one basketball with his costars. Ted Danson would always stuff him and do mad layups over hisself and made him feel bad. So anyway, this guy disappears off of the radar for a few moments and works really hard on basketball. He realizes, due in part to his size, that he will never be an offensive force, so he develops a new style of defense (I don't want to ruin the ending, but suffice it to say, it involves a lot of "hustling").
He uses his new "style" to coach a ragtag bunch of youngsters (one kid says the most inappropriate things) to the district championship, also he learns how to read.
the name of the movie:
The Guttenberg Press
(I apologize that it took SO long to set up that joke).
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Calculus
I have learned that the quality of the food at a mexican restaurant is inversely proportional to the quantity of decoration in the establishment.
Restaurant A:
Decoration: it has sombreros on the wall and panchos as tapestries and paper mache everythings.
Food: Covered in melted cheddar on an oblong plate with canned refried beans.
Restaurant B:
Decoration: some phone cards and maybe a calendar with the Virgen de Guadalupe.
Food: Awesome.
Restaurant A:
Decoration: it has sombreros on the wall and panchos as tapestries and paper mache everythings.
Food: Covered in melted cheddar on an oblong plate with canned refried beans.
Restaurant B:
Decoration: some phone cards and maybe a calendar with the Virgen de Guadalupe.
Food: Awesome.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
No Whey Hose A.
I met Jose Conseco yesterday.
At the end of the day, despite a chance to interview him and "hang", I felt like a failure because I never had the chance to say, "No Way Jose", even though that was my main goal. I was feeling sullen and blue and then I realized, I am not a failure, when I am old and withered I can tell my offspring, "Child, your grandad once met a real live American Gladiator. " and the kid will be like, "whatevs, oldster" and fly away on his hoverboard.
but I will know. I will know.
At the end of the day, despite a chance to interview him and "hang", I felt like a failure because I never had the chance to say, "No Way Jose", even though that was my main goal. I was feeling sullen and blue and then I realized, I am not a failure, when I am old and withered I can tell my offspring, "Child, your grandad once met a real live American Gladiator. " and the kid will be like, "whatevs, oldster" and fly away on his hoverboard.
but I will know. I will know.
Friday, June 30, 2006
A new show.
It's called "Found" and it is about this plane that arrives on time to this mythical island. It is kind of like "Lost" and has beautiful people in it and interesting back stories, but at the end of the season, it makes sense.
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